12/15/2016

But It Smells Funny

Story Sent in by Kathleen:

Jeremy and I had been together for about a month. He came over to my house to hang out for a bit and then we were going to see John Wick. We were hanging out in my bedroom when he went to use my bathroom.

He didn't come back for a long time and so I went to check on him. Through the door I heard the sound of him peeing and so I thought he'd be out in a second. But the sound kept going. And going. And going. I knocked on the door and asked him if he was okay. No response. I knocked again and opened the door.

He wasn't in the bathroom. In fact, no one was. But on the sink there was a small, cheap digital recorder and it was playing the sound of someone peeing. I turned it off, called for Jeremy, and looked all over the house for him.

He wasn't in the house and I looked outside. His car was gone. I left him a few messages and emails but I never heard from him again. At least I got a cheap recorder out of the deal. I guess.

16 comments:

  1. Wow, that's a very elaborate way to dump someone! Kudos for the ingenuity.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I guess Jeremy was miffed that he wasn't getting any and he brought the recorder with him.After another night of being turned down for sex he put his plan into play.He wanted to avoid an awkward "this is not working out" conversation so he did the ole"Ferris Bueller fake pee and flee routine".He had to sacrifice his handy dandy recorder but it was worth the loss to avoid awkwardness.Then he ghosted op because,well the awkwardness.Bravo pee and flee ninja,bravo.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Or he was abducted and the kidnapper had a little recorder with with them for just such an occasion. OP should have formed a search party.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is exactly how John Wick would give someone the slip! It's so meta!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Also, I am skeptical on this one... Where did he acquire a recording of a guy peeing for THAT long? Did he download it, or record it himself? Did he use some kind of prop to produce the sound for an unnaturally long time, or did he somehow loop it? That just seems like a LOT of trouble to go through...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it could have been looped

      Delete
    2. If he looped it, that would require some additional equipment above and beyond his cheap digital record. And this raises the crazy quotient exponentially!

      Unless it's fake...

      Delete
    3. digital recorders can totally play things on repeat dude

      Delete
    4. Oh frealz? Even cheap ones? Never had use for one. Even your ghetto S4 has an app for that...

      Delete
    5. Why are we so sure it was actual pee in the recording? Does pee somehow sound different from a pee-sized stream of water? I dunno, I don't have dude bits.

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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