11/09/2016

Apparently, Metamucil Has a Restaurant

Story Sent in by Colin:

I was out to dinner with Linda when she reached into her sizable bag and pulled out a roll of toilet paper. She asked me if I wanted it and I said that I didn't.

A little while later, after our food had been brought to the table, she offered me the toilet paper roll again. I asked her why she was offering it to me and she said that she had it as a spare and that I'd probably need it sooner or later. While I couldn't argue with that, I couldn't understand why she felt I needed it right then and there.

After our food was cleared away she offered me the roll a final time. I didn't take it and she said, "You'll wish you had."

I wasn't sure why. I had a full supply of toilet paper at home. We went our separate ways and I never asked her out again.

8 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Congratulations Steve. But after his victory, I can't seem shake this quote from the Dark Knight:

      Alfred Pennyworth:You squeezed them, you hammered them to the point of desperation. And in their desperation, they turned to a man they didn't fully understand.

      Bruce Wayne: Criminals aren't complicated, Alfred. Just have to figure out what he's after.

      Alfred Pennyworth: With respect Master Wayne, perhaps this is a man that *you* don't fully understand, either. A long time ago, I was in Burma. My friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So, we went looking for the stones. But in six months, we never met anybody who traded with him. One day, I saw a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing them away.

      Bruce Wayne: So why steal them?

      Alfred Pennyworth: Well, because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

      Delete
    2. Not the world... just the Democrat and Republican parties... XD.

      That aside, maybe the toilet roll was where the girl kept her drugs. What better way to throw off the narcs that to pawn it off on a date?

      Delete
  2. Yeah, but on the subway ride home, after those two chili dogs, I bet you were wishing you had that spare roll.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This story makes more sense if it's in Communist Eastern Europe, where a roll of toilet paper would make a suitable dowry.

    ReplyDelete
  4. She wanted him to clean up that mess of a face. OH!

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  5. Why would you turn down a free roll of toilet paper? We used to steal it from the dorm front desks when we were in college so we wouldn't have to pay for it. Even if you didn't make it all the way home with it, think of all the things you could have done with it...

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  6. Sounds like she felt you needed a good pegging.

    ReplyDelete

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