10/19/2016

So Breitbart's Hiring?

Story Sent in by Eileen:

When I met up with Damon in person after he found me online, he asked me if I'd be up for a quick dinner. When I asked him why it needed to be quick he said that he had a surprise for me afterward.

He had a laptop bag with him and he took me to a really cheap, rundown diner for some gross food. My burger looked more like a meat puddle than a burger.

As for his surprise, he then brought me to a Kinko's and opened up his bag. He pulled out several sheets of paper with charts and reports on them. He said, "I'm copying off 600 of these. I need you to staple them."

That was his surprise. Me helping him staple. Before I could say no, he said, "I did just pay for dinner so maybe you can help for just a little while? We can quit after a bit. I just need to get most of these done."

I asked him, "Don't the copiers have an auto-staple function?"

He laughed. "Yeah, but it always does it wrong. I need the human touch."

He started making copies. I was able to glance at his report-things and they were utter nonsense. There was a paragraph about the environment then a paragraph about Obama then a paragraph about the L.A. Dodgers then a paragraph about fire safety. And his charts and graphs were even worse. They plotted things like the usage of cornmeal alongside how close Mars was to Earth during its orbit.

After about 15 minutes of helping, I became really bored and asked him if we could finish up soon.

"Finish up? We just started! We have hundreds to go!"

I said, "Then I'll probably go soon. I'm sorry. I didn't want to copy, tonight."

He said, "I'll tell my boss you didn't help. But fine. Whatever."

His boss, whoever it was, wasn't my boss. If that was all Damon had to threaten me with then I felt it was worth the risk. I left.

He wrote me an email that night to tell me that he had phoned his boss and that said boss wasn't at all pleased with me.

11 comments:

  1. "No"to the dive diner,"No" to being a human stapler,and "No"to Damon Douche Meister!For the sake of your stomach,sanity,and self respect...just say"Hell to the no!Op didn't say no soon enough but at least she came to her senses.How much you want to bet Damon's boss is a cut throat business cat...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anybody else thinking...Oh come on Eileen,too-ra-loo-ra, too-ra-loo-rye-aye...

      Delete
    2. Not even Dexy's Midnight Runners could salvage THIS date...

      Delete
    3. "How much you want to bet Damon's boss is a cut throat business cat..."

      Based on those reports he was preparing, I think you're right.

      Delete
  2. I really had high hopes for OP. I thought for sure she'd hightail it out of there while he was making copies. Disappointing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Probably some sort of morbid curiosity! I would have stayed too, just to see how far it went. I would also have questioned more just to have a good laugh.

      Delete
  3. Cut throat business cat doesn't care how nonsense you think his report is or how gross that diner made you feel...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Pretty sure he didn't have a boss.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Pretty sure this guy's off his rocker.

    ReplyDelete

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.