10/07/2016

Don't Let Him Kiss You, That Day

Story Sent in by Rosalind:

Mike reached out to me over Match.com. He was from a city 400 miles away from me but he wrote a great first message. He explained that he was just looking for company while he was in my town for a brief visit. Dinner and drinks, no sex or expectations. He said I seemed like an interesting person who he'd simply want to meet. I couldn't really turn that down!

We went out to dinner and it was a good conversation at first. When I asked him what he was doing in town (just trying to make conversation) he was evasive.

After some wine he became less evasive and he opened up about it. He said, "Back in grade school one of my classmates told me he'd pay me $100 if I ate a lump of dog poop we found at the playground. I did and he never paid. I'm here to get that money."

My first impulse was to laugh - but then I realized that this was a guy I had just met off the Internet. Anything was possible. Mike went on, "I know where he lives and I know where he works. I'm going to get that money if it's the last thing I do. Plus interest."

I had to ask, "Are you serious?"

He shot back, "I'm dead serious. I want that money. I didn't forget. Did he think I'd forget? I didn't."

Mike looked really, really angry. He was also 40 years old (according to his profile). The playground incident was over half a lifetime ago. For God's sake, move on!

Mike then grumbled about eating dog poop and repeating that he would never, never forget.

We split dinner, I wished him luck, and I let that one go.

18 comments:

  1. That would be cracking premises for a comedy thriller (if such a genre exist)!

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    Replies
    1. I want to see that movie. The part of Mike would either be played by Rainn Wilson or Bill Hader.

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    2. Directed by Spike Jonze. Jared, are you listening?

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    3. Ugh. Fine. I'll make some phone calls.

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  2. I noticed that op got excited when Mike told her that there were no expectations of sex and that she seemed interesting and he simply just wanted to meet her...riiight.Mike not only has shit for brains but he's also full of shit as well.Not only that but he's an angry shit that holds grudges.He had plans of woooing her,but alas he lacked game because admitting you ate poop is just not sexy or smart.Mike may not get second dates but at least he will always have Pink Flamingos.I have learned that out of town visits either lead to sex or heart break...Op dodged a turd alright.

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    Replies
    1. OP got excited when he told her no sex... but dinner. So, are you saying she's a Dinner Wh0re? Sure sounds like she is!

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    2. "...because admitting you ate poop is just not sexy..."

      Hey Smiles, I've got some German films I want to show you......

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    3. She split dinner. She probably was going to split dinner, since it just was going to be dinner and conversation. Not a dinner whore, just like he wasn't a dick.

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    4. ::In my best German accent::"I have ways of making you talk".

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    5. To perfect the accent, imagine you are a German clockmaker and someone has just brought you a clock that goes "tik" but doesn't talk. You'd look at the clock and say, "Ve haf vays of making you tok."

      In the meantime, enjoy some SouthPark

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  3. Steve it's just hard for some ladies to turn down a free meal.Even the dollar menu peaks my interest,throw in a tiny sundae in the mix and the night could become enchanting...

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  4. I don't think I could stomach that particular dare, even for a cool $100. But this guy would let nothing stop him!

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    Replies
    1. I was expecting a gif of Divine. Why are you not living up to my expectations?

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  5. I feel like this was a hilarious situation to listen in on for the tables next to theirs.

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    Replies
    1. Oh god, can you imagine? What if it was a first date over at the next table? So much to bond over!

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  6. I love that Pink Flamingos was the first reference. But I'm a little shocked that no one mentioned The Help...

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  7. Replies
    1. The new scoring scale is 5/7, get with the program Ipdar.

      Delete

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