9/08/2016

I'll Be Doggone

Story Sent in by Clarence:

Frances brought her dog Maggie with her on our date. We were taking a walk in a large park so it wasn't entirely inappropriate. But it was still a strange decision to make ("Should I bring my dog out on a first date with me? This is a good idea." - that had to run through her head at some point).

Her dog barked at everything. Everything! Other dogs, geese, trees, grass, oxygen - the dog barked to such an extent that I thought that it would shortly bark itself hoarse and soon go quiet by necessity. But it didn't! It jerked this way and that way, yapping at everything in sight.

As an added bonus, every time the dog barked (which was every moment) Frances would yell the dog's name as if that had historically stopped it from hysterically barking. Most of the date was ceaseless dog barking alongside Frances's yells of, "Maggie! Maggie! Maggie! Maggie! Maggie! Maggie! Maggie! Maggie!"

There was no conversation to be had. Lord knows I tried. I'd ask Frances something about herself and Maggie would yap and Frances would yell at Maggie. Frances would turn to me as if to start answering a question and then Maggie would bark and Frances would yell at her. I gave up after a few minutes.

After staying with this terrible twosome for as long as I could, I realized that I'd rather spend my Sunday afternoon watching paint dry on growing grass. I had been about to politely bow out of the situation when Maggie got loose.

Frances flew after her but it was a lost cause. Maggie was just too fast and she clearly wanted to be anywhere other than on the other end of the leash.

I didn't follow them and just half-heartedly called after Frances, "So I'll see you later, then?" and I took off. I hope that the two of them were reunited in blissful reunification forever and ever and ever.

23 comments:

  1. Date?Sounded more like a meet and greet if it's a walk in the park.What nerve of that woman bringing her yip yap on your romantic date!Perhaps she brought the dog with her to see how you would react with Maggie.If the meet and greet went well you would of most likely have crossed paths with Maggie so if you really think about it,it's good to know it sooner or later that she has a dog named Maggie who barks at the sun,the moon,the stars,and you,yes you.The dog ran off and you left without helping to look for her.You failed at hiding your disdain for Maggie the wonder barker.And Frances failed at teaching her dog obedience.Two fails don't make a find...Next time,date a cat lady.Cat's don't bark...

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    1. I can see the idea if bringing the dog though. It's a perfect pretext to excuse yourself if you need to bail out early because the bloke is a bad date...

      Only, the plan backfired a little, cause the mutt is a real nightmare! The dog was the bad date.

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  2. I kind of feel like OP is being a dick here, but at the same time, I'd rather cut my own heart out with a spoon than listen to an owner yell at their dog for being a dog and for not training them right in the first place. So I guess what I'm saying is, I agree with the OP.

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  3. Pets are for the emotionally-crippled. Why keep an animal around if you're not going to eat it? I learned to screen out any chick that had pets, back in my dating years...

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    1. Briana has pets, no more sexy time in the comments for Steve.

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    3. I love dating people with dogs because they usually have to leave to go feed them or let them out at some point and then I don't have to deal with them spending the night.

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  4. This could have gone very differently if OP had just stuck it out and pretended to love the dog...

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    1. Oh yeah? Like some doggie-style? Hide the milkbone?

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  5. I think they are both at fault here. OP for taking the lady on a lame date, and the lady for failing to realize that two animals continuously yelling at each other doesn't teach anybody anything. On the other hand, bringing a dog to a park date seems like a totally logical thing to do, and seeing as OP was not invested enough to plan a nicer date, why should the lady be invested enough to show up alone? After my first date with my husband, I brought my dog (also a Maggie) to every subsequent date- in Germany dogs are allowed in restaurants, so this isn't insane. Obviously, my dog is super well behaved, and only barks at things dogs ought to bark at- she usually curls up and goes to sleep on a chair within ten minutes, so lots of awesome conversations were had. Previously, I had dumped two guys for not loving my dog, and quickly found out the easiest way to gauge compatibility was to bring my dog along. Animal lovers love it, animal haters hate it, and we can all go home or shack up much faster. So really, OP, this lady just saved you a bunch of time.

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    1. I don't agree a walk in a park is a lame date. What you call lame, OP and I might call fun and interesting. And there's nothing there to say she didn't suggest it herself. As a dog lover, I would bring my dog on said date only IF I knew it would behave. Maggie clearly could not, and if she owned that dog for even five minutes I'm sure she knew that. OP dodged bullet.

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    2. I actually think a walk in the park is a good idea for a first date. If things aren't going well, you can gracefully end it quickly but if things are going great, you can suggest another activity. It's in public and helps with topics of discussion as you can discuss the weather, other people walking, plants, etc. A pet can be an ice breaker only if it's well-behaved. I've gone on walks for dates and they've been fun.

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    3. Bananas, if the vadge is worth it, a dude will step up and plan something better than walking through a minefield of various animal feces. I'm with Meggers on this one.

      Although, one time I met some chick online who turned out to be secret-fat. I toke her for a walk at Valley Forge park, and homegirl was out of breath after the first 100 feet... wtfmate?

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    4. I agree that walks are awesome dates, but I don't think it is a great first date, specifically because if it is a large enough park, it could have less public areas, and could be potentially dangerous. So that is why I don't like parks for first dates, not until I know someone well enough. I can see why a park would seem like a good idea to a man (probably like OP) who has no intention of hurting someone because that isn't something that would even cross his mind - but it is also a good date for a man who has every intention of hurting someone. As far as the dog goes, I assume that Briana has a well trained dog. The lady in the story was also at fault of course, but I think my point that bringing a dog on the a date could quickly determine one's compatibility.

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  6. She forgot to ask Clarence the #1 question: "D'ya like dags?"

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  7. Actually my when I first met my fiance we agreed on a meet and greet at a park.We walked along and conversed and then when we got to the playground I swung on the swings,see sawed on the see saw,sprung on the springers...a picture of me on a spring bunny exists out there.We both decided that we liked each other enough to share nachos and wings at a sports ball and played a few games of pool.I think meet and greets at parks and coffee shops are best in case there is no connection and you need to make a quick split...

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    1. I keep forgetting to turn my auto correct feature off{sigh}Actually sports balls would be fun...

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  8. She's not so bright and OP is an impatient dick. Bullet dodged by both...however they have both been re-released into the dating pool.

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  9. Well Melanie, I am super happy for you that your fiance wasn't an evil man. It sounds like you had an awesome date! But that sadly isn't the case for every woman. My husband and I did a park date on our second date, after I was sure he wasn't a rapist. You know a good compromise would be to go to coffee/dinner/a ball game first, see what sort of vibes you get from him, and then if you're having an awesome time and it seems safe, to go for a walk in a park. And.... congrats on your engagement!

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