9/07/2016

Back Home in the Warren

Story Sent in by Jasmine:

James was 33. When we sat down to dinner he told me, "My mother is a year older than I am: how is that possible?"

I figured it was a riddle and I tried to figure it out. I asked, "If you're a dog?" You know. Dog years. People years. I thought it was a good guess.

He said, "No. I mean for real. My mother's a year older. She's 34. Do you know how?"

I guessed, "Some in vitro fertilization experiment gone horribly wrong?"

He became angry at that. "I'm serious! It's not a joke. My mother's a year older than I am!"

I lost my patience and said, "Fine! Then just tell me!"

He said, "If you're going to have an attitude then forget it."

I asked, "Did you bring it up just to pick a fight with me?"

"You wish," he said.

I ran through the logic of his... illogic. "I wish that you brought it up to pick a fight with me?"

He put his head in his hands. "You're making my mind hurt. Just shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up."

When the waitress came to take our drink orders I excused myself from the date. He didn't try to follow me, thank goodness.

26 comments:

  1. What was his job? Making hat per chance?

    Was there any march hare or narcoleptic dormouse around? Did he order tea?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'd tell you my thoughts on this story but your attitude is no good so forget it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Replies
    1. FTW, Arch. Never a reason to not use good old George.

      Delete
  4. Maybe his mother was in suspended animation, like Captain America?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe his mother embarked a spaceship capable of going near the speed of light and due to Relativist time contraction, the 33 year long trip lasted only 1 year from her reference time frame?

      Delete
  5. Totally possible if she was a lousy mother.

    Bananas, don't forget to check this every few years so you can stay young even though you're a mom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll always have a 12-year-old's sense of humor. If you think that's dumb, then I think you're a buttface.

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    2. You and me, Bananas... I think we'd get along verrrryyy well. Because all I have going for me is sarcasm, bitchy resting face, the sense of humor of a 12-year-old, the vocabulary of a sailor, and pretty eyes.

      Delete
    3. Oh come on, you've got more than that going for you. What about the crushing, crippling self-doubt instilled in you during the repeated beatings you received during crit?

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    4. Archy, I think I'm moving on to a new architect. She has prettier eyes.

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    5. **Having existential crisis trying to decide if I should hold my head up high and do my -na na na boo boo- dance, or if I should hide in the corner and rock back and forth while crying courtesy of PTSD-triggered memories of crits**

      Delete
    6. I deal with it by making small painful paper cuts up my arm when no one is looking. It's the only thing I can feel after crits made me dead inside.

      Delete
  6. Every time an OP leaves an asshole at the restaurant instead of sitting through dinner with said asshole the OP gets an internet cookie.

    Jasmine, this is for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have so many questions about what is happening behind that glorious dancing cookie.

      Delete
  7. Maybe it's because he was an ACTUAL piece of shit.

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  8. I think he was trying to tell a riddle and screwed it up bad so he decided to blame his date.

    ReplyDelete
  9. The mother was born on Feb 29th. It's a riddle.

    Because her birthday only happens during a leap year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A birthday once every 7 years. He is 33 and his mother is 1 year older. If she was born on leap year, that would actually make her 238 years old. That means she gave birth to him when she was 205 years old. I think we can safely say mystery solved here.

      Delete
    2. Except people born on 29 February still get a year older every year. They just don't always get a birthday.

      Arch...every SEVEN years?!

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    3. Shit, you're right. Every 4 years. I was thinking of dog leap years ;-)

      Delete
  10. Answer is he can't count or she's lying

    ReplyDelete

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