8/09/2016

Polish the Medal

Story Sent in by Declan:

In her profile, Ruth claimed that she was an Olympic athlete. But it didn't specify what sport she did. I asked her in one of my first messages and she said she'd be glad to talk about it in person.

We met for coffee and she said that she was a medalist in gardening. I didn't think that gardening was an Olympic sport and I called her on it but she swore up and down that she won a gardening medal in the London games. She even showed me a picture of herself with a medal and by "showed me" I mean "flashed it by so fast I could only see a photo of the bright sun blotting out anything else in the photo."

The whole time we were out she gabbed about how great it was to be in the Olympics, how wonderful it was to meet Pelé, and how glorious it was to sleep with Michael Phelps twice. She said the first thing she did every day was polish her medal because it made her feel like a success.

She was not successful in landing a second date with me.

8 comments:

  1. Hmmm... I think, but I'm not sure, she might be lying. The nearest thing to gardening in the Olympics is "fencing"... I think most gardens have fences?

    ReplyDelete
  2. You dodged a bullet there OP. You know what they say about gardening in the Olympics; it's full of hoes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is terrible.

      I approve.

      Delete
    2. The hoes come out in spades... You've got to weed them out.

      Delete
  3. I can't believe you missed a chance with an Olympic medalist. You're an idiot OP.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Talk about overcompensation.

    ReplyDelete
  5. How would this sport even work? I mean I'm sure there would be a huge scandal where a rival team would be caught poisoning flowers or putting weeds in soil....but still!

    ReplyDelete

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