8/02/2016

First Blood, Fart Two

Story Sent in by Ginger:

Fred found me on OkCupid and we picked out a nice spot for a first date. It was a restaurant in D.C. about a half-hour away from both of us. He offered to pick me up and drive us there together.

One the way there Fred farted. A lot. They were silent farts that smelled horrible - like rotten eggs that had been eaten then pooped out then eaten again. I rolled down a window (it was the middle of winter!) but it didn't really help.

Dinner went fine but the whole time I dreaded the ride back. Sure enough on the way back he farted out a storm.

Finally he caught sight of my disgusted face and asked, "What's wrong?"

I said, "It just smells awful in here."

He said, "I know. You've been farting. I wasn't gonna say anything–"

"You've been farting! I haven't farted once!"

"Neither have I. I know it's not me so it must have been you. They smell horrible!"

It was minor and probably silly in the scheme of things. But it was also gross and also worrisome that he never took responsibility for it. I took two showers that night before bed and I still felt gross afterward.

10 comments:

  1. There's someone in the back seat! :O

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or it was the decaying body in the trunk. Dead bodies fart....true fact.

      Delete
    2. Gross! And funny. Must be the corpse in the back of the car indeed.

      Delete
  2. Hmmm... Why did OP needed two showers afterwards? Very strange. To remove fart odours, a brisk walk outside in the wind should be enough. After all, farts are just gas. Volatile gas, which should not cling to you. Shit stain, on the other hand, can stick a little bit longer and need a good wash...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She probably just felt dirty and gross afterwards. It has nothing to do with reality, just how you feel.

      Delete
  3. Sounds like his catalytic converter is going bad. He should get his exhaust fixed.

    ReplyDelete
  4. She who smelt it, dealt it...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You stole the premise of my joke... That's it. I'm done. My services are no longer needed on ABCD...

      Delete
    2. She who made the rhyme committed the crime

      Delete
    3. You caught me FrankW! It was me, farting up a storm under a blanket in the backseat. You see, Fred accused me of stealing the premise of his joke, and I spent the next two years ruining his dates one smelly flatulence at a time.

      Delete

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