6/16/2016

Ally Way

Story Sent in by Ronnie:

I met Melissa for a first date at a Starbucks. She wore two pride buttons and wasted no time in saying, "My brother's gay."

She stopped there as if waiting for me to go on a savage tirade about gay people. But I didn't. I just said, "Okay."

"So you're an ally, then?"

"Yes."

She let out a sigh of relief. "Good. Every guy I've dated for the past year is a closet gay-hater. Do you have lots of gay friends?"

"A few."

She cringed like I had said something really crappy. "But not a lot? That doesn't speak too highly of your self-proclaimed 'ally' status."

"Maybe you can introduce me to some of your gay friends so I can have a larger collection."

She said, "Why is that my responsibility? If you were really an ally, you'd have made more gay friends on your own. When was the last pride parade you marched in?"

"I've never marched in a pride parade."

She shook her head sadly. "I don't think this will work out. I mean, you're not even wearing a pride button."

I pointed at her two buttons. "You're wearing enough for two people."

She said, "It's not my responsibility to make you an ally. You have to go the distance, yourself. It wouldn't surprise me at this point to learn that you're a closet gay-hater."

"I'm not."

"Well, whatever."

She sucked down her drink and then said out of the blue, "What's your favorite coffee here?"

We then had a long discussion about coffee, the town, and everything except for her gay brother. It was like the first part of the conversation no longer mattered. Maybe it was her way of salvaging the date but I wasn't too into her, anymore.

When we were finally done she gave me a hug and said, "I hope you have an enjoyable life."

I have, thank you. And I never went out with Melissa again.

9 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Yes. Now you wouldn't want to be known to just have the minimum would you OP?

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    2. Yes. Now you wouldn't want to be known to just have the minimum would you OP?

      Delete
    3. Yes. Now you wouldn't want to be known to just have the minimum would you OP?

      Delete
  2. I always bring a portfolio of professional head shots of all my gay friends to first dates, just in case...

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  3. (Ahhhhh! - Formatting issues with the deleted posts above. Sorry! It's been awhile.)
    ...

    A new wardrobe requirement of all hetero CIS dates? I would support this new fashion accessory requirement. ;)

    “She shook her head sadly. ‘I don’t think this will work out. I mean, you’re not even wearing a pride button.’”

    I think the OP is full of it. I’m betting she wore some unobtrusive pride pins on her bag or whatever, and he was wigged out by it and the fact that she brought up her gay brother on a first date. Their values (read: the belief in the importance of showing daily support to the queer community) didn’t exactly line up, so he concocted this rather boring “bad” date story to make himself feel better about the rejection he ultimately received.

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    Replies
    1. I don't disagree with your hypothesis, but I've met more than a couple people with that level of entitlement so I'm not certain.

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  4. I has alot of gay friends,well I did til this weekend.

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    Replies
    1. I can't decide which emotion I feel the most of: disgust or disappointment.

      Delete

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