4/04/2016

Plenty of Swedish Fish

Story Sent in by Luann:

I went to see a movie in a pretty packed theater with Joshua and he kept trying to put his hand up my skirt. I moved his hand away each time but he kept trying. I then moved a seat away so that there'd be an empty seat between us. He moved into the empty seat and kept at it.

Out of ideas, I whispered to him, "I'm really hungry. Can you get me some Swedish Fish?"

He gave me a look as if he really didn't want to, but then he squeezed my thigh and took off.

By the time he came back with the candy, I had relocated myself elsewhere in the theater. He looked up and down the aisles but couldn't find me. I was sure he would, because he didn't give up. I wanted to enjoy the movie but he kept walking up and down the stairs, staring down each aisle. He even looked down the aisle I was in a few times but I guess he thought I was someone else.

He spent about 20 minutes looking up and down before he finally left. When the movie was over I went out a back entrance to return to my car. The empty Swedish Fish wrapper was under the windshield wiper.

"There you are!" I heard him shout. He was across the parking lot but he ran at me like he meant to murder me.

I jumped in my car and took off before he could reach me. I had no idea what he was planning and I'm glad I still don't know.

13 comments:

  1. That was a pretty smooth move OP. And I give you credit for staying to finish the movie, because fuck that guy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "If she didn't want my hand up her skirt, she should've worn pants!" - Joshua

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Joshua paced the parking lot, unsure what he had done so wrong. Had he reached under her skirt with the wrong hand? Should he have unzipped and allowed her to take her turn first like the gentleman he so desperately tried to be? Perhaps Swedish fish was actually code for something else.

    Oh!! It all made sense! Joshua gazed at the candy in his hand that was neither Swedish nor fish and laughed the laugh of a man on top of the world. Swedish fish obviously meant that after movie parking lot sex was on the menu. He need only wait for her silly movie to finish.

    Thus goes the tale of Joshua, his little red companions, and the night he drove home very confused and with a beautiful pair of decorative blue balls."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blue balls are no laughing matter, dear... it's a pandemic...

      Delete
  4. Ok, this may be pretty obvious but why didn't you just tell him to stop? Some guys don't get hints even if they are neon flashing signs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, the femtards would tell you that The Patriarch has brainwashed all the women into being docile, subservient, conflict-adverse semen receptacles.

      But, you and I know better...

      Delete
    2. She DID move his hand. That's a pretty straight forward way of saying 'no'

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    3. For most guys, that would count as saying no. Some guys need a bright neon sign and a notarized letter.

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    4. She MOVED A SEAT AWAY after removing his hands. How dense can someone be?!

      Delete
  5. What did she have to do, punch him in the face?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Clearly she should have killed him with the too much Spanish.

    ReplyDelete

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