4/18/2016

Grievous and Buttface

Story Sent in by Phyllis:

In one of Gregory's messages to me over Plentyoffish, he asked me, "Have u met buttface?"

There was no further elaboration on it and I didn't respond to the question. He gave no context and I thought that maybe he was just trying to make a joke I didn't understand.

In his next message he wrote, "Seriously u met buttface yet or no?"

I didn't respond. The rest of his email seemed intelligible and so I guessed he was just being... I don't know. Silly? It didn't matter. We wound up planning a date, all the same. We were to meet for dinner at a nice restaurant.

He showed up with some other dude and said to me, "Phyllis, this is 'Buttface.'"

"Buttface" bowed low and said, "A pleasure. Pardon me a moment."

As I watched, "Buttface" then performed a series of what I guessed were yoga postures right there on the sidewalk. I watched him along with Gregory and "Buttface" said, "Don't mind me. Go do your date."

I asked Gregory, "What's this about?"

Gregory said, "I asked you if you knew him. He said he knew you and wanted to come along."

I said, "I've never met this guy, before. What's this really about?"

Gregory turned to "Buttface" and said, "You want to tell her or should I?"

"Buttface" said, "I have no pony in this rodeo. All you, my man."

Gregory said, "'Buttface' just really wanted to meet you. And he likes you. So I wanted to set you two up."

I was already backing away, towards my nearby parked car. I said, "I think I'm all set for tonight. Thanks."

"Buttface" stopped doing his poses and stood up to stare at me. Gregory did the same. They watched me without moving as I jumped into my car and hightailed it home.

7 comments:

  1. Wait, seriously ? He's that weird in messages and you plan a date anyway ?

    Ooooooooooooookay.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Not even the potential possibility of meeting Buttface is enough to deter the staunchest of dinner wh0res...

    ReplyDelete
  3. A bit weird never turned me off, but I would have left, too. His yoga postures were probably way off without the proper meditation beforehand, and any man named Buttface got that name through unsavory means. Better luck next time, Buttface.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Maybe Phyllis is a less-than-prime specimen and Gregory wanted to set them up. They would have a built-in cute couple name - Buttface and Butterface.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Buttface could have used his downward dog to give you a happy baby and you could both greet the sun together the next morning.

    ReplyDelete

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