3/03/2016

A Dark and Stormy Night

Story Sent in by Christine:

It was a rainy night when I met Kenneth on what was our first and last date. He asked me to meet him in the lobby of a nice local hotel. He was a couple of minutes late, and when he showed up his right side was covered nearly head to toe in mud. It was like he had dipped only that side in dirt, sort of like a black and white cookie.

He came up to me and said, "There was an incident. I booked a room here so I could use the shower. Wanna come upstairs with me?"

I said, "Uh... how about we postpone, instead?"

He said, "Why don't you just come upstairs? I've already booked out a room. I was going to shower and you can come upstairs with me."

"No, thanks."

"Come on."

"No, thanks."

He said, "Okay. Then I'll go shower and be right back. I won't be more than 15 minutes. You'll wait for me?"

I sat down on a lobby sofa and said, "I guess."

He disappeared into an elevator and never came back. About 25 minutes later I received a text from him saying, "I found someone who was more than willing to come upstairs with me. Better luck next time?"

I wrote back, "I actually consider myself very lucky to have not gone upstairs with you. Cheers." I left and that was it.

26 comments:

  1. This guy absolutely had the hotel already booked from the exactly moment you agreed to a date and then covered himself in mud to get you upstairs. I can promise you, you were standing in front of the express train to Rapeville. I'm REALLY glad you didn't step on. This guy is a special kind of disgusting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not rape - Surprise Sex!

      Delete
    2. Bananas got this one absolutely right. That guy was going to rape you and had this planned from the beginning. Good move OP.

      Delete
    3. re: not rape-Surprise Sex!

      OK, I have to admit...this made me laugh. Don't judge me.

      Delete
    4. Briana Foster, you better change your username to Sherlock Holmes.
      I can't believe you typed out that he had an agenda. Everyone knew he had an agenda! Even OP. He was incredibly transparent.

      Delete
  2. Kenneth, I hope if that ploy ever really works that the victim carries giant can of Whoop Ass

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Maximum allowable by human conscience."

      Don't know about you, but my conscience allows for way more scoville heat units than that.

      Delete
  3. Why did she wait 25 minutes and then leave?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Benefit of the doubt until proven creeper.

      Delete
    2. The creep factor was already through the roofie.

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    3. Free. Dinner.

      Dinner, for free.

      Delete
  4. And just when I thought I couldn't be any more suprised by the plans men come up with in order to get laid...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :::mutters to himself while canceling hotel reservations:::

      Delete
  5. I mean... here's what I don't get... even if he showered, wouldn't he have to put his muddy clothes back on afterwards? Or was he going to buy a whole new outfit in the hotel gift shop as well?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There aren't clothes in Rapeville, Steve, only half though out plans and wagging eyebrows.

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    2. At least it was a bit more creative than the "Netflix and chill" plan my peers seem to be so fond of. /shudder

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    3. Abby! Want to go first-date camping?

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    4. Dammit Steve, stop interfering with my action. I was just about to ask her to come with me blindfolded to my Forbidden Bedroom Of Mystery out in an old hunting cabin miles away from anything resembling civilization with no cell phone coverage or even electricity. It'll be SUPER FUN! *rubs hands together evil-ey*

      Delete
    5. Chunky Horse....? Is that... you?!

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    6. He totally had another set of cloths in the hotel room. Another set of cloths, some pre-drugged champagne, a furry costume he was going to dress you up in, and some adult diapers....just in case.

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    7. He had also assembled a pile a garbage on which to make love, twice, while his previously-unacquainted twin watched... twice.

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  6. >.>
    <.<
    Sure! That sounds like a wonderful idea, and I'm sure nothing at all will go wrong. /sarcasm

    ReplyDelete
  7. Should have trolled him a bit before leaving. Tell him you're on your way up, and for him to slather himself in chocolate sauce or something and lie on the bed naked for you.

    ReplyDelete

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