1/26/2016

Simply Felonious

Story Sent in by William:

For our date, I picked Simone up at her place and drove us toward town while we decided on dinner. It was then that she told me, "I'm not actually single. My boyfriend's in jail. At Quincy State."

That didn't mean anything to me, as I wasn't familiar with the names of my state penitentiaries. What meant something to me was that I was potentially on a date with a felon's girlfriend. I asked, "So he's cool with you seeing people while he's in?"

She laughed and said, "It's not like he can stop it."

"I see. What's he in for?"

She said, "I don't want to talk about it."

Neither did I. In fact, I didn't really want to even be there any longer, but I thought we could go out once and then not go out again.

After a little bit she said, "Will you take me to Oak Leaf?"

Oak Leaf was one of the nicest restaurants in town. I head eaten there once before. Plates averaged around $50 per person. I wasn't going to take Simone to Oak Leaf.

"How about Sadie's?" I asked. Sadie's had great food and wouldn't break my bank.

Simone was adamant. "I'm more in the mood for Oak Leaf. I want to go to Oak Leaf. If you don't take me to Oak Leaf I'll tell my boyfriend all about you."

Later, at Oak Leaf...

Just kidding. I drove Simone back to her place, politely asked her to leave my car, and grabbed some Wendy's on the way home.

8 comments:

  1. File this one under: Sustenance Wh0re - Dinner Wh0re - Incarceration Wh0re

    ReplyDelete
  2. See now you've really got your categories down. I knew I picked the right one.


    Also, bitch don't use your crazy baggage to scare people into food. You're a special kind of asshole.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm suddenly recalling that story about the woman who claimed she'd had a gun pointed at her head in a robbery to try to manipulate him into paying for everything.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How did that go? "I was so scared... if I'm not fed this very minute on someone else's dime I think I'll die right here and now!!" Sorry dear, the world would be better off without your ilk anyway.

      Delete
    2. 25 pts for using "ilk" in a sentence, beautiful literate one!
      I may have to compete with Stever for the right to your hand in unholy matrimony.

      Delete
    3. 25 pts for using "ilk" in a sentence, beautiful literate one!
      I may have to compete with Stever for the right to your hand in unholy matrimony.

      Delete
  4. You think she might have been giving her criminal boyfriend too much cred?

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Later at Oak Leaf..." ~ I like this guy's sense of humor - he knew we would all laugh.

    ReplyDelete

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