1/13/2016

Beyond Tasteful

(It's awards season! What were the year's best films? Click here for this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Kari:

I was set up on a blind date with Chad. The very first thing he did when meeting me was to walk around me like I was a prize racehorse, lick his lips, and say, "Mmm. Damn, you look good enough to eat."

Without thanking him for such a statement, I said, "All right. Ready for dinner?" which I realize in retrospect was a mistake.

He replied, "Can I have you for dinner? Baked or fried?" and he licked his lips again.

I shuddered. "Can we move past the eating-me phase? Where do you want to go?"

"I guess baked!" he answered his own question.

Not wanting to be rude (I know, I know) I said, "Okay! How about Palms?" Palms was a nearby Thai place. I picked it more because it was close and less because it was Thai. I just wanted to have a nice dinner and end things without incident.

Dinner was unremarkable. That is, if you call the following exchange unremarkable:

Waitress: "What would you like to order, sir?"

Chad: "I'll have one baked Kari! She looks good enough to eat!"

The waitress gave a fake laugh and said, "Anything else?"

"Can I have more Kari for dessert?"

Gross. As it turns out he had some meat thing for dinner and didn't mention eating me again until we were on our way out of the restaurant.

I was ready to go home when he asked if he could hug me goodbye and (in his own words) "sneak a taste."

I politely declined and pulled away from him as quickly as I could. Here's hoping someone else satisfied his hunger.

18 comments:

  1. You need to punch whoever set you up with that creep.

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  2. That, my dear children, is called cannibalism, and it is in fact frowned upon in most societies. -Willy Wonka

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  3. Was he reading a book entitled "How to Serve Man" ?

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  4. It seems the focus is the completion of a dinner date, and all else be damned!

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  5. Replies
    1. How do you know she didn't pay for her own dinner?

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  6. What did he order? Fava beans and a nice chianti?

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  7. It's a draw. He's a douche for being a greasy creeper and she is a douche for sticking around to milk said greasy creep for a free meal.

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    Replies
    1. Now now, alibiestu, there's nothing here to say she didn't go dutch. Before anyone takes the time to say something silly, I agree that some women are absolutely the sort to finish a date for the sake of the free food. That said, it's as unfair to imply all women do this as it is to imply all men are womanizers.

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  8. Whoever the friend is that set you up, tell her to never set you up again.

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  9. Well, in retrospect she realized she shouldn't have continued with the date. How many of us have done something stupid and later wondering why you did it?

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    Replies
    1. This is ABCD. We pride ourselves on shaming people, especially OPs.

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    2. Steve-Oh, I know. I'm a regular reader, infrequent poster, so I know exactly what goes on in the comment section. I just like defending people which bugs my husband to no end.

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    3. Well, make the hubz happy, and grab a torch/pitchfork - plenty of room for one more!

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    4. Steve, let her defend the OP. That way we can shift focus and acquire a new target for our Chunky Horse led mob.

      Delete

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