11/17/2015

The Rare Pants-Aged Cheese

Story Sent in by Christian:

For a short time in college, I dated Helen. My brief relationship with her ended at a mutual friend's party. The friend had put out a spread of vegetables, fruit salad, crackers, cookies, melba toast, and sliced cheeses.

Helen apparently loved cheese. When we were alone at the snack table she stuffed her pockets with slices. When her pockets were too full she grabbed a couple more handfuls and tried to stuff the cheese into my own pockets.

I told her to stop but she kept trying. "I want the cheese," she said.

No one saw her do it but it was still an awkward situation. I let her stuff my pockets full of most of the rest of the cheese. Helen then strode back to the main part of the party for all the world as if she didn't have cheese-stuffed pockets. I took the opportunity to remove the cheese from my own pockets and replace it as fast as I could on the serving platter.

When we were through with the party and back in my car, Helen asked me for the cheese that she still thought was in my pants. I confessed to her that I had replaced the cheese.

Helen threw a tantrum, yelling that I had betrayed her, that I couldn't be trusted, and that I was the worst guy in the world. Okay, sure. I told her she could find her own way home and kicked her out of my car. At least she had mounds of pocket-cheese to keep her company.

5 comments:

  1. "I took the opportunity to remove the cheese from my own pockets and replace it as fast as I could on the serving platter."

    Um, yuck?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My thoughts exactly -- OP should have trashed it if he didn't want the cheese in his pockets.

      Delete
  2. Ewwww.

    Pocket Cheese would be a great name for a band.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh yuck! I mean she's one swiss shy of a fondue, but putting pocket cheese back?!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You both failed....The power of cheese compels you!

    ReplyDelete

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