9/05/2015

Perhaps I'll Send Something I Found in My Storage Unit

Email Sent in by Ruth:

Do you remember?

Postal mail used to be such a big deal. Now there is no longer much of that. It has become a novelty. The postal service declares bankruptcy year after year when all along it is the answer to our dreams. If you send me your address I will send you a beautiful package of lovely feminine things. This is how it was done in years past and it can be this way again. If you are not comfortable sending me your home address then send me your work one or your po box if you have one. Kudos if you do!

What is in the package I will send you? Gift cards! A song! Poetry! Whatever the muse strikes. I will gladly send you a romantic gathering of romance for you to enjoy alone. Do not share it with friends. I have selected you above all others to receive my mailing. Do you like horses? I will include something horse-like for you to enjoy. Do you like pretty dresses? I will send you a lovely dress (please tell me your size first). Do you like music? O! If you desire music I will send you any and all of your dreams and desires!

So please reply back to enjoy the times of old when love was real and the courting may begin!

Andrew

6 comments:

  1. "I have a lovely shrunken head I can send you...as long as you don't ask how I came to possess it."

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  2. I would actually be okay with the idea if I'd known him a little longer and if he didn't write like a pretentious douche-nozzle

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  3. Yeah, not sure I would. Call me a cynic, but I've known too many people make elaborate gestures of generosity and then insist I owe them something. Like my body. Or whatever.

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  4. Yeah, not sure I would. Call me a cynic, but I've known too many people make elaborate gestures of generosity and then insist I owe them something. Like my body. Or whatever.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This guy would just track you from the post office box back to your house. You'd be dead before the sun went down.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'd be tempted to exploit the shit out this kind offer.

    ReplyDelete

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