6/12/2015

Stock it to Me

Story Sent in by Edgar:

On my second date with Rachel, we were at dinner when she asked me about some of my past dates and wondered if I had any funny stories. I told her that one time a while back, I was on a date with a girl who had worn two pairs of stockings at once as a kind of superstition.

Once I told her that, Rachel said, "Stockings? Really?"

The way she said it made it sound like she was taking some sort of offense to it. I said, "Yeah. Stockings. That okay?"

"No, it's not okay. That's really insensitive!"

I said, "I'm sorry. I thought it was kind of funny. You asked me for funny stories and there would likely be some insensitivity in such a conversation. If it helps you feel any better, she and I became friends after it was clear that we wouldn't work out as anything more."

She snapped, "I don't care about her! That's not why you're insensitive! My brother tried to kill himself with a stocking, once. I can't believe you'd be so insensitive as to joke about it."

"Seriously?"

"Yes!" she said, as seriously as serious can be.

I laughed. Mostly because I thought she was an idiot for taking offense at something I couldn't have otherwise known. She then said, "It's not funny! He could've died! And you're just sitting there talking about stockings. Do you even listen to yourself when you speak?"

"How was I supposed to know that?" I asked, "How does one try to kill himself with stockings?"

"It was one stocking! Weren't you listening? And you just keep bringing it up and bringing it up! I don't like to talk about it! Can you drop it?"

I instantly changed the subject. "How was your week?"

She said, "I know you're still thinking about stockings. This will be our last date."

It was.

5 comments:

  1. Jared, this is so insensitive of you to post this. My milkman died of stocking overdose, you're so cruel! And to post this on my birthday, you should know better

    ReplyDelete
  2. God Jarrrrrred, my hairdresser's dog's bitch of a mother ate a pair of stockings once and almost couldn't eat dinner that night. How could you be so insensitive to post this!

    If I was OP, I would have asked for two checks. Also, I bet one of these two guys was the date's brother.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I posted this precisely because I hotly desire to offend all of you.

    Also, happy birthday, Andrea!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I bet Rachel was wearing underwear too. That insensitive bitch! Doesn't she know that my dad was killed by underwear? She's got some nerve, wearing UNDERWEAR on a DATE like that!

    ReplyDelete

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