4/22/2015

True Invective

Story Sent in by Susan:

Adrian wrote to me on a dating site and we wound up out together at a sports bar. We had a couple drinks and shared some appetizers. We talked for a little bit and then he asked me, "Want to go out to my car and have some fun?"

"No, thanks."

We talked a bit more, ate some more, and then he asked, "How about now? Wanna go out to my car?"

"No, thanks."

"How about the bathroom? We can lock it behind us."

"No, thanks."

We talked a little bit more, then he said, "Wanna give me a slow handy right here, under the table?"

"No, thanks."

He sat back and laughed. "What kind of a woman are you?"

"One with self-respect."

He smirked, typed something into his smartphone, and turned it around to show me a photo of a half-naked woman in black leather, posing provocatively on a wooden chair. I didn't recognize her and I asked Adrian, "That your mom?"

He said, "It's you. I Googled your name and found that."

I said, "She's a platinum blonde, has about 10 years on me, and I've never worn an outfit like that. Try again."

He looked from the photo and back at me about 100 times. He said, "That isn't you? Really? You sure?"

I said, "I'm sure. Did you just walk into this date assuming I was this woman? The first photo you found when you plugged my name into image search?"

He drank down the rest of his beer and said, "I don't even know what you're doing on a dating site. Next time try putting out, bitch." He threw down a $20 and left.

When I went home, I found an image of someone's gross ass and emailed it to him, saying, "This was the first image that came up when I plugged in your name. If you looked this good, I would've done anything you wanted."

No reply. Too bad.

5 comments:

  1. I don't understand why so many guys think dating site = insta-sex. Seriously, if your balls are that blue, go rub one out or say ahead of time that you're looking for just a fling. Trust me, there's plenty of women who want the. Same thing. Stop wasting people's time!

    Also, maybe if you weren't such a damn creeper and asking for it every 10 seconds...Then again, nothing says 'sexy' like banging in a Shit-filled stall.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Seriously, where are these guys learning their social skills? I'm sorry if I'm going on a tangent, but I've seen it in so many of these stories and experienced it when I was single... and there's a point where it stops being funny and becomes sad.

    I'm also still sleepy, so that might be it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey OP, I put your name into Google and this is the first image that came up. Not exactly S&M but I'll still save it for later if you know what I mean. Wink wink, nudge nudge, say n'more say n'more!

    ReplyDelete
  4. @Andrea total lack of social skills MIGHT be the reason why they are single

    ReplyDelete

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