4/27/2015

Aromatherapy

Story Sent in by David:

It was a perfectly nice first-date dinner with Nicole when she suddenly clammed up and turned a bit red. She fanned at the air and said that she suddenly felt really hot.

"Do you want to go outside for some air?" I asked her.

"Good idea," she said and sped past me. As she did, I smelled the unmistakable aroma of fart. It was brutal.

When she came back things continued as they had before the "hot" incident. Of course I said nothing to her and she said she was fine.

A little while later, she stood up and said, "Excuse me, I'm suddenly feeling really hot again." She hurried out once more. I didn't smell anything that time, thankfully.

She finally returned and we went back to talking. Everything appeared normal.

After a little while longer she suddenly gathered her stuff and stood up. "Well, nice meeting you. Bye!"

I was so stunned that I didn't have anything to say until a few minutes after she had left. I texted her, "What just happened?"

She wrote back, "It's been two hours."

Not sure what that meant, I wrote, "What does that mean?"

She replied, "You disrespected me at the table. Done with this. Bye."

I went over the prior two hours of the date several times and couldn't come up with a single instance of me "disrespecting" her. The only things that stood out were her two hot flashes and her awful-smelling fart.

I wrote, "How did I disrespect you? Did it have to do with your farts?" but she didn't reply.

7 comments:

  1. She probably had to take the Browns to the Superbowl.

    Take the kids to the pool.

    See a man about a dog.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Seeing a man about a dog means getting hooch, Archie.

    And Jared, there's 3 days of stories missing! Did they all 'get hot' too?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Content's posted every day. I post emails and profiles on the weekends. Maybe you're just on the stories-only feed? In any event, these were from this past weekend:

    Whoops! I Thought You Were My Blog.
    They're All Under Invisibility Cloaks

    ReplyDelete
  4. They're back up. I think my phone was being silly because it wasn't in any specific tab or something. Oh well. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  5. @ Andrea - Maybe where you come from, but not at my house.

    ReplyDelete
  6. My favourite-ever euphemism for shitting, said to me by a colleague as he left my office: "I'm going to put the brown witch on trial. Sink or swim, she's going down."

    ReplyDelete
  7. @ Badgerdaddy - FOR THE WIN!

    ReplyDelete

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