12/27/2014

You Should See Him with a Whole Chicken

(2014's best films on this week's Jared's Inkwell. Click here to check 'em out! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Denise:

First date with Louie was out at a yummy burger place. When our meals arrived, he pressed down his considerably thick burger with his palm to try and flatten it. He tried and tried and tried, but there was ultimately a limit to how flat a burger could be pressed.

"Is your burger sufficiently flat?" I asked him.

He didn't answer, but he grabbed my plate and started to flatten my burger! I had already even taken a bite of it!

I grabbed it back and he looked really hurt.

"I like my burger unflattened, thanks."

He gave me another look, as if to say, "Your loss, moron."

He spent about five more minutes flattening his burger, then he said, "You haven't heard of flattening your food? It makes it healthier."

"How?"

He said, "It takes up less space in your stomach."

I had never heard anything so ridiculous. I hurried the date to an end, and that was the last time I ever saw that weirdo.

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