11/17/2014

Coloring Schnook

Story Sent in by Jane:

In our dating site messages, Jeff and I discussed various favorite books. There was one in particular (a Barbara Kingsolver) that I mentioned that he seemed very interested in, and he asked me if he could borrow it. It was a slightly unusual request, as we hadn't met yet. What if it wasn't a good first date? However, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and brought it with me to our first dinner.

Dinner was great. No big complaints. I felt pretty good about lending him the book and so I did. It was a good date and we even kissed goodnight.

We spoke the following week, before our second date, and he told me that he was enjoying the book quite a bit. I was happy to hear it.

Because only a week had passed between dates, I was surprised when he brought the book with him on our second time out. I didn't think it was possible for him to have finished it that quickly. He handed it back to me and told me to look inside.

I flipped it open and was shocked to discover that the pages were covered in scribbled red, black, and yellow crayon, like he had let a three-year-old go crazy with it.

"What happened to my book?" I demanded.

"I crayoned it a little," he said.

"Why? It's a book!"

He shrugged. "I just felt like it."

I said, "You're paying for a replacement."

"Why?"

"Because if you want this date to happen tonight and you want more than a kiss, you're going to pay me back for this. Are you like a three-year-old or something?"

He hemmed and hooed and moaned and groaned. Finally he pulled out barely enough to cover a replacement copy and handed it to me. I pocketed the money and then walked away, towards my car.

"Where are you going?" he called after me.

"Home," I called back, "because I just feel like it."

I nearly ran back to my car after that and made it away from that stupid little boy.

6 comments:

  1. You KISSED the little boy, so...yeah...

    Seriously, though, that guy was a moron.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "I crayoned it a little"

    Not "colored it" but "crayoned". WTF?

    People who disrespect books should be shot. I don't even like to see a broken spine on a book. All of my books are opened and read at 90 degree angles so the spine never breaks. I also never lend books to people. If they express an interest in a book, I just give them the copy and buy myself a new one. That way I don't have to hate them forever.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I just re-read my comment. God, Mrs. The Architect is a lucky woman.

    ReplyDelete
  4. "He hemmed and hooed [hawed?] and moaned and groaned."

    Must have been some kiss.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Infants behave better than this "gentleman" (being VERY sarky here) did. How did this @$$clown make it to an adult age group without ever learning to RESPECT WHAT'S SOMEONE ELSE'S?That's just clownshoes! I learned that when I was just out of being a baby. Even preschools and kindergartens teach little kids how to treat things that aren't theirs. Coloring schnook, indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  6. "People who disrespect books should be shot."
    Disrespect books? What about people who disrespect property?That book wasn't his!

    ReplyDelete

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