10/13/2014

Firestarter

Story Sent in by Mark:

I was on a camping trip with my girlfriend Maureen and four other friends. Maureen and I had been together for a few months.

It was freezing out and Maureen was complaining loudest, so I said I'd start a fire. I set up the wood and kindling, but the problem was that I only had a matchbook with three matches in it. I tried to light all three, but all three were duds.

Maureen became upset. "What the hell? You can't start a fire? What kind of man are you?"

Myself and one of the other guys tried rubbing sticks together (which has never worked for me) and we did a cursory search for flint. Nobody had a lighter on them (we should've been better-prepared, yes) and so the next best thing was to all huddle together in a tent under the multiple blankets we brought.

Five of us were ready for it. The one of us who wasn't was Maureen. She said, "I just can't understand why we don't have a fire. Can't you just make a fire? Just make a fire!"

We were out of matches. There was no flint. We were bad at rubbing sticks together. There was not going to be a fire. Maureen moaned over and over. "Stop complaining," I advised her strongly, "Let's just all stay warm together."

She demanded that I drive her home or to a hotel. When I refused to do both, she said she'd hitchhike. I didn't think she would do it. It was after nightfall and criminally cold out. But true to her word, she stomped off and that was that.

I didn't follow her (why would I?) and she never contacted me again. We had enough mutual friends such that I was later informed that she made it back home after calling someone to pick her up. I haven't seen her from that day to this, and good riddance.

The best part is that about a half-hour after she left the campsite, I found a full box of matches in an emergency kit in my car. And we had ourselves the nicest fire.

6 comments:

  1. You went camping with 3 matches, and you think she's the bad date?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Also, you had a car....with heat. Here's the real story:

    Op invited all of his friends into his tent to have a circle jerk and "stay warm". Maureen didn't want to be the catch basin in the middle and left.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "He said we were going camping with his friends. I've never been camping myself, but I assumed that since he suggested the activity he was experienced with it. Wrong. It became bitterly cold out, and I suggested we make a fire, but it turned out that the only fire making materials he had brought along were a few matches that had been in the bottom of someone's pocket forever and wouldn't light. His counter-proposal? That I huddle with him and four near-strangers for warmth. I told them that this was ridiculous and that we either needed to make a fire or head out to a hotel, or just go home. He refused. It was huddle or nothing. I finally got so cold and upset that I left, and he didn't follow me or care enough about me to check up that I had reached safety. Last date."

    ReplyDelete
  4. "He was ill-prepared and I'm a Drama Queen, so I gracefully bowed out."

    ReplyDelete
  5. Maybe she went to find a guy with big arms.

    ReplyDelete

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