9/15/2014

Worm Your Way Out

Story Sent in by William:

I found Stacie on OKCupid. She was extremely attractive and her profile seemed sane. At dinner, she started out as bubbly and talkative and we had a good talk. I kinda liked her. But all of a sudden, in the middle of a conversation about something I can't remember, she clammed up. It was like she flipped a switch.

My first thought was that I offended her somehow. I asked her, "You okay?"

She said, "Yeah... just thinking about something."

"What are you thinking about?"

She said, "I'll tell you in a minute."

Five minutes of silence went by. The only sounds were our chewing. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I said, "What's up?"

She looked at me and asked, "Ever eaten live worms?"

I'm a vegetarian, but even if I wasn't I doubt I'd ever eat a live worm. I said, "No."

She said, "Because I know a place we can go. If you save room for after dinner, we can go there."

"...to eat live worms? No, thank you."

She looked down, as if I had really disappointed her. Then she looked up at me and asked again, "Ever eaten live worms?"

I reminded her, "We just talked about this. Remember? I said no. I don't think I'd be interested in trying them, either. I'm a vegetarian."

"So are worms," she said.

That's not really true, but I wanted to stop talking about worms. I said, "Have you ever tried the desserts here? They're all made in-house."

She asked, "Do they taste like live worms?" and she licked her lips.

I said, "I'm pretty sure the cheesecake tastes like cheesecake. But you can ask them if they have another flavor."

When the waiter asked us if we wanted dessert, Stacie indeed asked him if they had "anything that tasted like live worms." He gave me a look as if I had inadvertently brought a plague carrier into the restaurant.

I told the waiter, "Just the check, thanks."

Stacie and I split the meal and she asked me if I wanted to go with her to her "favorite dessert place." Again, she licked her lips. I shuddered and suddenly had someplace else to be. She seemed sad to hear it, but I felt worse for whatever worms she was to encounter. We didn't go out ever again.

9 comments:

  1. You could have fed her your "night crawler".

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  2. Hah any comment I was about to make was bitch-slapped outta my head when I read "night crawler" !!! Sheez The Architect -- you sure can crack me up !

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  3. *Bows slightly* I do what I can.

    Also, just as a point of interest, my AdChoices to the right of the comments section include:

    Tape Worms
    Cat Worms
    Human Parasitic Worms

    I'll let you guess which one I click on.

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  4. (laughing) Yes I must thank you for that - because those are my ad choices now too ! Ooo I know ! Human Paras----UGH what am I doing ?!? (runs)

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  5. Whatever, Archie -- we both know this is just an excuse to bring up your own nightcrawler and have all the gals suddenly want to go fishin'. Also, why didn't you mention the ad for bird parasites?

    OP, you really missed out. The best thing about eating the worms live is that they may have just eaten, too.

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  6. Ok, OP:
    "She was extremely attractive" = she was better looking than you.
    "she clammed up" = she got bored of your mundane conversation.
    "I'll tell you in a minute." = she's trying to think of something, anything, that's not as boring as being on a date with you.
    "Ever eaten live worms?" = she's trying to find something interesting and unusual to talk about, put some spice in her life.
    "...to eat live worms? No, thank you." = your answer to an extremely attractive woman who wants to have an adventure with you.

    Sorry OP, I'm sure your career as an accountant is very interesting to you but the extremely attractive adventurous girls might not stick around.

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  7. @Fizzily Dizzily: Thank you so much for the link to the birds-on-dicks pictures. I now have something less horrible to wash my brain from that shower shart video you linked a few days ago. Again, thank you.

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  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. I bet that this lady's favorite book as a child was Thomas Rockwell's How To Eat Fried Worms.

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