9/20/2014

Boobs Tube

Story Sent in by Billy:

Lisa and I were runners and friends who trained together. She was small, insanely attractive and what's more, she was a flirt. I had asked her out once upon a time, but she had a rule that she didn't date friends. It made no sense to me (why would friendship automatically disqualify someone without a second thought?) but she was pretty strict with it, so I let it lie.

One time, she had come over to my house to shower and I very accidentally walked in on her in a state of undress. In my defense, she was inexplicably changing in my kitchen, as opposed to my bathroom or bedroom with a closed door.

I turned away quickly and said something dumb like, "Oh, crap! I'm sorry!"

She said, "Oh, great. You ruined it!"

It struck me how weird that was to say, on her part. But I didn't ask her to clarify because I didn't want her to be embarrassed any further. Also, I was far too distracted by replaying the scene over and over again in my mind to think straight. She hadn't been completely undressed, but I really, really liked what I saw.

She went into the shower and I decided to pretend that nothing had happened. Friends sometimes accidentally walk in on friends. That happens. It's okay.

When she came out of the shower (fully dressed) she came out to my living room, where I was sitting, and said, "So I guess we're dating now."

Yes, it was what I had wanted to hear for a while. No, it made no sense at all. But things were about to become much, much stranger.

I had a big TV (not a flat screen - a giant tube) in my living room, and she hopped up on top of it and sat on it. "If we're dating, this is where I sit from now on," she said.

Then the TV, which was standing on a sturdy wooden table, toppled forward. It definitely wasn't meant for sitting on. Lisa landed on her feet with a yelp, but the TV landed on its screen with a crunch and a shatter.

I was so stunned that we just looked at each other for a few moments. Then she beelined it out of my apartment without another word, leaving me with a broken TV and a massive clean-up on my hands.

I didn't go jogging with her after that, but I did send her a bill for a new TV. Surprisingly, she sent me a check to cover it. We haven't spoken since.

4 comments:

  1. OP, you could have smoothed that whole thing over and been dating this hottie in no time if you weren't so worried about your busted TV and how you were going to play 15 hours of Call of Duty that night.

    Also, you totally could have made it into a joke by thanking her and saying you needed an excuse to get a flat screen TV.

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  2. Whoa I agree with The Architect -- what a cheapazoid ! I know it's a TV for Pete's sake - but it could have simply become one of those goofy "how we met" stories in the future. Yep - breaking someone's ceramic idol is a no-no I suppose.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ^^^ - what everyone else said. She was one of these "I'll tell him we're friends and then 'accidentally' trick him into pursuing me" types. I think she put you in the friend zone to make it feel safe but when you accepted friend zone and stopped pursuing, she suddenly realized she wanted you to be interested in her again.

    About a year ago a girl who had told me she wanted to be just friends was over to use my shower. She forgot a towel so I cracked the door and handed one in. She said she couldn't reach so I opened the door and to be polite I entered with arm out-stretched with the towel and my head turned back toward the door. When I felt her take the towel I exited and closed the door behind me. Weeks later in a conversation she asked why I didn't join her in the shower. Yeah. Just friends. Sure.

    Women are confusing but don't try to figure them out. Women understand other women, and they all hate each other. Think about that.

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  4. Aww this sucks.

    I can see she purposely undressed in your kitchen to try and catch your reaction and see if you'd try something -- but you didn't. So she very awkwardly told you "I guess we're dating now." and you probably missed on the sarcasm in her tone. I've been there. People can never tell when I'm joking. Never. I embarrass myself and then try to cover it up and I fail all over the place.

    The sitting on the TV part is just real bad luck, it was screw up after screw up so she tried for another, better one and just broke your TV in the process. I feel like she's my long lost twin.

    And you really liked what you saw??

    ReplyDelete

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