7/21/2014

Driven to Drink

Story Sent in by Walter:

I was at a nice Asian fusion restaurant with Connie. We had probably spoken online for about a month. She seemed smart and silly and I liked her, at least based off of her online persona.

I ordered a glass of wine and she ordered a piña colada. I had drank maybe about a quarter of my wine when she asked, "Did you exes mind that you were a heavy drinker?"

"A heavy drinker?" I repeated, "I was just going to have this one and only glass. Does that qualify me as a heavy drinker?"

She said, "What would your exes say?"

I replied, "That I'm not any kind of drinker at all."

She said, "Ask them or I will."

I chuckled and said, "You want me to just go ahead and call them up? Right now?"

Her eyes went really wide and she said, "Or I can. Not right now. Later. Give me their info." She pulled out her phone.

I took another sip of wine. "You're not serious."

"Give me their information. It's for my own protection to find out if you're a heavy drinker or not. Give me their numbers."

I laughed and she widened her eyes even more. "I'm serious. I want their numbers and I will have them."

"Not from me," I said.

She replied, "I want to find out if you're a drinker. Can I really be blamed for that? Guys who drink are 200% more likely to beat their girlfriends. Just give me their numbers. Just give me their numbers."

I said, "I'm not a heavy drinker. But I probably would be if you were my girlfriend."

Yep. I went full-on kamikaze. The rest of the meal was an awkward affair, to say the least, but thankfully that was our only dinner together.

5 comments:

  1. The conversation for the rest of that meal must have been amazing.

    "I can't give you the number of my exes, mainly because I beat them all to death. They were 200% dead when I was done. That's where you kill them, have sex with their corpse, and then eat the remains. Where's that waiter with my second glass, amirite!?"

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  2. This is where you start to wonder if this woman either has issues or is projecting her last relationship onto you.

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  3. Yeah, I'm guessing it was that she was projecting a previous relationship.

    So, checking references is a thing now?

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  4. Totes projecting. And kudos to the OP for seeing this nutcase for what she was and not trying to salvage the date or being a wuss about it (see: other stories).

    ReplyDelete
  5. How was she a nutcase? That's a very real concern.

    ReplyDelete

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