6/09/2014

Person of Walmart

Story Sent in by Jason:

For a guy in a small town, I never have much trouble coming up with fun things to do on a first date. I always try to tailor activities around the interests of my dates, and yet still keep things surprising.

So I was a little disappointed when Loretta insisted on going to Walmart. I suggested some other ideas but she was adamant. "I like making fun of the fat people there," she said. I'm not one to make fun of people, but I accompanied her all the same.

It was like a suburban safari. Loretta practically ran down every aisle when she spotted a fat person. She was careful to remain several paces behind them, but pointed them out to me and imitated their walking style. She really, really enjoyed herself.

I indulged her the first couple of times, but after that it became just more of the same, and it was a mean thing to do. I suggested we have dinner and she was up for it... but she insisted on dinner at the Walmart. While we sat, she pointed out fat people as they walked by and she giggled at each of them. I'm still amazed that none of them caught on to her behavior. I tried to ask her about herself and various other topics, but she was only into the Walmart fat people.

Once we were done with dinner, she led me to the ice cream section and bought a pint of ice cream for herself. Then we left Walmart and she asked me if I was up for a walk up and down the main road. I was just glad to be out of Walmart, so I agreed.

It wasn't until about a half-hour into our walk that I remembered that she had bought ice cream. "Isn't it going to melt?" I asked her.

Her eyes went wide. "Crap!" she yelled, then gave me a quick peck on the cheek and ran back toward the Walmart (where presumably she was parked). I didn't ask her out again.

6 comments:

  1. Please tell me you went out with her just to have a story to post to this blog... Otherwise, sigh...

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  2. Seriously, this woman told you she wanted to go and make fun of other people all night, and your immediate reply WASN'T "That's incredibly cruel of you and you should be ashamed"? What the hell is wrong with you?

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  3. I was thinking the same as both posts above. Why would anyone want to be with such a person?

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  4. Maybe she was fat herself and enjoys making fun of her fellow fatties.

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  5. Make fun of fat people, then gulp down ice cream. . . .

    There's a joke in there somewhere, but I'm too tired to find it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I would have asked her out again and again and made sure to buy her a whole container of ice cream each time I saw her, then when she eventually got fat make a video of her waddling around and post it to the internet. After all, if something is worth doing, it's worth doing WELL.

    ReplyDelete

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