4/04/2014

The Bottom of Things

(Why should your writing be High Concept? Click here to find out on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Anthony:

I'm always front and center with my profile pictures. They're always recent and they look like me, as they should. So it was a huge deal when on our date at a café, Margaret blurted, "You look nothing like your profile photos."

All I could do was apologize and say, "Sorry. They're me."

She said, "You know what?" then pulled out her phone and typed into it. She then pulled up an image of a really gross looking butt. Dark hair, pimples, blotches... a proctologist's dream come true.

"You look like that," she said.

I'm completely unsure what I said or did to her to make her behave that way. The only thing I could think of was that she was somehow convinced that I had misled her. But I hadn't.

I asked, "You think I look like your ass?"

She ripped the phone away. "It's not mine."

I said, "It's okay. With proper skin care it'll come out looking great."

"It isn't mine!" she insisted.

"Whatever," I said, sitting back and enjoying the show.

"It isn't!" she insisted so forcefully that I was convinced that she was a hair's breadth away from showing me.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," I said, "I have dry skin on my ankle."

"Screw you," she said, flopping back in her seat with wet eyes. I was surprised that she didn't leave. I ordered a salad for lunch and remained there to eat it as we sat in silence. Maybe it was awkward for her, but it wasn't really for me. After all, I wasn't the one with the behavioral issues. I paid for my salad and left her there without a word.

6 comments:

  1. I'll never understand why this site gets so many OPs that choose to go through a date when they prove to be obnoxious morons at the very start. Why waste one iota of your time with somebody like that? If it were me, the date would have ended with the reveal of the picture!

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  2. OP I do like your come back.

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  3. I am with reading....there are so many times when I read these that I shake my head at the OP more than the bad date. I would rather eat/see the movie/take the walk....whatever the date was....by myself than spend it with an obvious waste of space.

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  4. Sierra, you have obviously dated too little or too much, because right in the middle is that sweet spot were the fact that you dressed yourself up and dragged yourself out is enough to stay on the date for the amusement factor alone... especially if your date is a car wreck.

    That said though, I call bs on this one... this is the response he wish he said... loved it, but still bs.

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  5. I'm surprised this date didn't turn out well! I thought a lot of women loved to date cops!

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  6. It could have been worse than him sticking out the date. He could have tried to save it by being polite to someone who didn't deserve it, like a lot of OPs do. Kudos for him for seeing right away that the girl wasn't worth it and putting her in her place. Rude? Well, she started it!

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