3/16/2014

Flights of Fancy

Story Sent in by Leah:

When I lived in Philadelphia, Albert sent me a message over a dating site one afternoon. He lived in San Francisco. He asked me if I was free that night. I told him I didn't live in San Fran.

He said, "I'll come out to see you. Are you around?"

I wrote back, "Are you in Philly?"

He wrote back, "In San Fran right now. Do you want to hang out? Dinner's on me. No pressure."

Mostly out of curiosity, I agreed. He named a restaurant nearby and so I readied myself for a weird night out.

At the restaurant, a 300-pound guy who did not look at all like Albert's profile pictures showed up. He extended a hand to me and said, "Hello. My name is Albert."

I shook his hand and said, "You don't look a thing like your profile photos."

"That is because I am Albert," not-Albert said.

The simplest explanation was that this guy made a fake profile with fake photos and just felt like punking somebody. It being the simplest explanation, I called him on it. "I don't know what you're trying to pull, but–"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out an airline ticket stub. He handed it to me. It was for a flight from Miami to Philadelphia and it was dated the day before.

"I am Albert," he said.

The whole thing was too strange. I excused myself and said, "Have a good night."

"But I am Albert," he said one last time before I slipped away and out.

9 comments:

  1. WTF?!? My brain feels violated - this one doesn't make any sense.

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  2. Of course it does, cause you see Albert posted old pics of himself and then gain all this weight and never bother to put new current photos and to her surprise it was not the albert she was expecting.

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  3. Indeed "fat Albert" reference. I am sure our dear Jared did that on purpose.

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  4. I know a couple of ladies that are chubby-chasers. They'd be all over Albert like white on rice...

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  5. ^ Or like grease on a slip-n-slide!

    Also, I like that his ticket was from Miami. Last I checked, that is nowhere near San Francisco.

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  6. ^ Maybe Jared also changes the names of the CITIES to protect their identities.

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  7. Don't worry, blue blue is here to explain the mystery of his fatness.

    We definitely weren't confused by the city mis-match in anyway.

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  8. I wonder when there will be new stories?

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