2/12/2014

Itchy and Scratchy

Story Sent in by Edward:

I met Maura, an adorable redhead, at work. She spoke to me and asked for help with work issues often. One day during a storm I saw her walking to work and offered her a ride. We became closer friends after that.

My birthday was a workday and I didn't make any plans. She asked for a ride home that day, and once she found out it was my birthday, she said, "You should be out getting laid and getting hammered. Find us a bar." Well, you can imagine I floored it to the closest bar.

While we were drinking it was a fun, laugh filled conversation. Eventually she became serious. I asked several times what was wrong. The second time she simply said, "I got that itch."

I took this as a "do me" reference and I said, "Lets go get that taken care of then," thinking we were on the way to bow-chika-wow-wow.

She asked, "Are you okay with it?"

I assured her that I could help relieve those frustrations and scratch that itch she felt. She still seemed surprised.

"I wouldnt think you would do that. You dont seem the type."

"Well, I'm not a virgin you know."

Her eyes got huge. "No, no, no. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I didnt even think about that."

Now I was intrigued. "What did you mean? What itch?"

Softly, almost whispering she said, "I need some crack."

I took this as a joke and laughed. In response she showed me her forearm which had been previously covered. There was a bandage over a two inch wide pink hole. Needless to say, I was stunned.

She explained that she had been trying to stay clean but had had a relapse. During the relapse she had dug a hole in her arm. Now she was fighting that "itch" to get some more. I explained I didnt know where to get any drugs and wished her luck.

We finished our drinks and headed for the car. Along the way she apologized for "not being in the mood and misleading me." I dropped her at home and grabbed a bottle on the way to mine.

We were cordial at work later. I never gave her a ride or went out drinking with her again.

10 comments:

  1. Yeah......I would have thought some form of "You don't need that stuff" or "You've got to fight the urge" might have been in order. But you went for the solid "I don't know where to get any drugs. Good luck fucker". Awesome move OP.

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  2. Also, at least it wasn't this kind of itch that you offered to scratch.

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  3. Maybe the stories on this forum have lowered my expectations of humanity, but I was shocked and awed that the OP did not try to get into her pants anyway, with some cavalier joke such as "Two inch hole on her arm? Couldn't help her with that. But there was a two inch hole between her legs that I could DEFINITELY help fill, bow-chicka-bow-wow."

    So thank you OP, for vaguely restoring my faith in humanity.*

    *For limited definitions of "faith."

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  4. "We became closer friends after that."

    Apparently not close enough to give a fuck she has a serious addiction. OP is a douche. Way to reinforce her assumptions that nobody cares about her.

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  5. I was not expecting crack. And I for one like a good story. I am sure people in her life have tried to help her. Not sure if op is a total douche or not. Not sure what I would have said. Anyway...

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  6. Many addicts are master manipulators. I kinda feel like she was hoping he would go out and buy her crack, with his money of course. All with the hopes of "getting laid" for his birthday. I'm actually glad that OP made no attempts of this, and sent her on her way. She'll have to dangle her vadge in front of some other sucka to get her fix...

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  7. ^ So......not a dinner whore, but....

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  8. When she said itch I thought she had an STD, since she not a virgin you knoe

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  9. I'm calling it. Architect for the win! TKO in the 7th comment!

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  10. All these stories are fake.

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