2/17/2014

God's Outhouse

Story Sent in by Neil:

At my first date with Florence, we met at a local cafe on a Sunday. I arrived first, but when she made it there she told me, "Oh no! I forgot something at church." I offered to go with her to help her find whatever it was, but she said that it was right around the corner and that she wouldn't be a moment.

True to her word, she returned in just under 15 minutes. I asked her what she had forgotten, and she pulled a roll of toilet paper out of her pocketbook. "I grab a refill at the church each week."

"Your church sells toilet paper?"

She looked at me like I was a moron, and at that moment I realized she had stolen it. "Yeah... they sell it..." she said.

Not five minutes later, she looked around, picked up the little salt shaker, and asked, "Think they'd notice?"

Without waiting for a response, she pulled out her toilet paper roll and tried to shove the salt shaker into its central cardboard tube. When it turned into too much of an effort for her (the salt shakers were short but distinctively wide), she gave up and replaced it on the table.

"Next time pick out a place with better salt shakers," she advised me.

She didn't try to steal anything else through lunch, and after it she walked us back toward her church. "Want to come in with me?" she asked, "I forgot something else!"

I declined and she asked me if I'd wait for her outside the church, instead. I told her I had somewhere to be and that we'd catch up later. She ran inside and I left. Knowing her, she probably left with an altar crucifix or a stained glass window.

2 comments:

  1. And the collection plate, the holy water and the body and blood of Christ. Good thing she never got to visit your home. She'd be shoving your Xbox into her enormous purse!

    Also, how the OP describes his manhood: "...short but distinctively wide."

    ReplyDelete
  2. OP, if your date complains because she can't fit a salt shaker into a toilet roll she wants balls deep anal pure & simple, or as I like to call it, a date with a very happy ending.

    ReplyDelete

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.