2/22/2014

Foreign Contaminant

Story Sent in by Jessica:

My relationship with Tommy progressed to the point of kissing. After the first few (under a tree in a park), he pulled away and said, "This is going to sound strange: could you not breathe when you're kissing me?"

"I sort of need to breathe," I told him.

"Could you just hold your breath?"

I thought he was a weirdo, but I gave it a go. After several seconds, I pulled away. "You're breathing," I said to him.

"Yeah. So?"

"So you're allowed to breathe but I'm not?"

He said, "Uh... yeah? I'm not afraid of my germs." He went in to kiss me again, then pulled away for a second, reminded me, "Don't breathe," and went back in.

I tried to silently inhale through my nose, but he again said, "Don't breathe!" I tried to pull away, but his hand went to the back of my head and squished my face right up against his.

I shoved him away and took a deep breath. "There you go again," he admonished me, "Breathing."

"I prefer it to not breathing," I told him.

He shrugged. "Sorry, but I can't risk contamination."

Nothing like hearing that to kill any sort of mood. Or any chance of another date.

3 comments:

  1. Wow he's slow. I would be mad at ya for continuing to let him kiss you but I have definitely done worse.

    ReplyDelete
  2. So let me get this straight: he thinks breathing on him will expose him to all kinds of icky germs, but saliva-swapping doesn't count? That's not how the spread of microorganisms work!

    Did this guy get hit in the head with a 2x4 as a child?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Maybe girlfriend just needed a Tic Tac...

    ReplyDelete

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