12/03/2013

Schoolyard Hummer

Story Sent in by Daniel:

Kristen was in some sort of major bad mood on our date. The whole time, she acted like she really wanted to be somewhere else. This was confirmed when a little over an hour into it, she said, "I don't really want to be here."

That does nothing for a guy's ego. "Where would you rather be?" I asked her.

She said, "I'm missing a local choir competition that I really wanted to see."

I stopped liking her as a person after that moment, but she was still hot, so I suggested, "Why don't we go check it out together?"

The competition venue wasn't that far (it was at a local high school). When we arrived I noticed that there were few vehicles in the parking lot. Still, she led me right up to the high school doors. They were open and when we went inside the halls were barely lit and quiet. No one seemed to be around.

We arrived at the auditorium and she tried the doors. They were locked. I asked her, "Are you sure this is where it is?"

"Of course," she snapped, "I'm not stupid."

We found a friendly custodian who informed us that the competition was actually scheduled for the following week. Kristen was enraged and I offered to take her out for coffee or ice cream or whatever angry people consume to calm down.

In response, she shut her eyes tight and hummed a song that I ultimately identified as Brahms's Lullaby. Maybe that was her way of calming down. Whatever it was, she soon bade me a hasty goodnight and made for her car. Assuming the date was over, I went home.

9 comments:

  1. Hello doormat / stalker. She was clearly not into you. She even took you to a non-event. Yet, you would want to buy her ice cream. Dubelueeeteeeeff?

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  2. This OP sure is dumb. If you are on a date with a girl and she says she wants to be elsewhere and then takes you to a non event then you are the event. Tradition dictates that she shuts her eyes and hums Brahms' Lullaby while you lick her neck with your big smelly tongue and dry hump her leg.

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  3. The OP is also a douche because he kept going on the date because she was hot. Boo.

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  4. That sounds like Canadian Royal Tradition.

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  5. Tanette. What exactly is wrong with continuing a date with someone who is hot? It's not like he was looking for her to be his GF at that point or that she did anything deserving of respect. I will say he did seem like a pushover, but part of me felt very amused by the fact that this situation will probably make the OP very hesitant to make up a lie like that (instead of just ending the date)

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  6. Tanette, what you don't understand is that when men are on dates there is often a constant negotiation going on between their brains and their penises. For example:

    Brain: She's so smart, I wish you'd see what I see in her.
    Penis: No! She's unattractive and I hate her!
    Brain: Come on, just one date to see if you like her. I'll buy us a few drinks, and maybe the beer goggles will help.
    Penis: Well... if you're buying drinks...

    Or it could be something like this:

    Brain: Did... did she really just say that the Virgin Islands are the best U.S. STATE?!? Did she? Oh, we are out of here.
    Penis: Come on, man, give her a chance! I let you do your thing when you wanted to date that nerd programmer chick.
    Brain: OK, fine, we'll give it a try. (Five minutes elapse.) She... she just said she admires SARAH PALIN! Without sarcasm!!! Oh fuck this - you're using porn and the sock tonight.
    Penis: NOOOOOOoooooooo!

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  7. ohhh. wolfie, I get it now. Thanks for the explanation.

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  8. "... I offered to take her out for coffee or ice cream or whatever angry people consume to calm down." They eat small children.

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