10/28/2013

Time for a New Friend

Story Sent in by Charlie:

A friend tried to set me up with Marla for the longest time. He told me how great she was and how she had been single for a long time and about how she loved cats (I own two) and art and such. Finally, the timing worked out and I met Marla.

What my friend neglected to mention was that Marla was about 20 years older than I was. And she talked about 800 miles a minute. Either she was really nervous or really excited about life or both. Either way, she went on and on about her kids, cars she drove, cats she owned, and then more about her kids.

I stuck around on the "date" to be polite, but I had no real intent to see her again. She was nice, but she was old enough to be my mother. There were a couple of times when she reached over the dinner table and gave my hand a squeeze or whatnot... was she just being friendly? The entire situation was just too creepy.

At the end, I hoped she wouldn't go for a kiss and she didn't. She did give me a big hug and one of her hands slid down to my crotch and gave me a squeeze. I winced and she broke away and said, "Oops," and gave me a smile. Yes. Very alluring.

I called my friend afterward to ask him why he thought it appropriate to set me up with dear Marla. He claimed that he had repeatedly mentioned that she was close to 50, but I believe that's something I would've remembered. And no, Marla and I did not go out again.

6 comments:

  1. OP, where have you been? Cougars are very fashionable right now. I'd totally smush a 50 year old crotch-grabber...

    ReplyDelete
  2. You didn't even mention the conversation you had about how crafty she was. She hand made that sweater she wore from nothing but clumps of dried hairballs from her 32 cats. How could you let a catch like that slip away?!

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  3. When will these two crazy kids realize they love each other? Oh, not Op; Marla needs to get her crotch pincers on this guy.

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  4. Your "friend" tried to set you up? If it looks like a frenemy, and it acts like a frenemy, and it tries to set you up on dates with a 50-year old crotch snatcher... yep, it's a frenemy!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Fifty year old crotch snatchers are probably a good lay. OP, you probably missed out. And also age ain't nothin' but a number. I know that in a year and two months when I reach cougar age...um, er, never mind...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow - sexual assault as well?

    Dodgy.

    ReplyDelete

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