10/31/2013

Halloweenies

Story Sent in by Katrina:

One Halloween, Stephen, who'd already taken me out on a couple dates, asked me if I wanted to go hang out with him and a few of his friends in a graveyard out of town. It sounded like a lot of other people would be there to party.

It was in a really quiet, secluded area. But someone must've been running power from somewhere nearby, because deep in the back of the cemetery, there were a few lights set up and a couple of people were even starting a bonfire. I figured it was only a matter of time before the cops found us, but they either didn't see us from the road or they just never cruised by.

Stephen and I drank and soon he was all over me. He asked me if I wanted to do it in a graveyard. He and I hadn't done it yet. The idea of doing it for the first time drunk in a packed graveyard just didn't sit well and I told him we could wait a bit longer. His response was to drink more and get quieter.

A few minutes later, he asked me if I had ever heard of ass-wraiths. I hadn't, but he was ready and willing with an explanation: "Ass-wraiths are known to haunt graveyards. They haunt the ass and only the ass."

I was ready to laugh in his face, but then someone nearby said, "Yeah! I've heard of them. Think there are any around here?"

Stephen stood up, looked around, and said, "Probably. They grab you and don't let go. But only your ass."

He then ducked down swiftly and tried to grab my rear end. I shifted away and he missed. "Ass-wraiths!" he yelled, attracting attention.

Having missed me, he turned to the next closest woman and grabbed a handful of her butt. "Ass-wraiths!" he screamed.

Problem was, this girl had no sense of humor and her boyfriend was there, too. Neither of them took kindly to Stephen's little grab-action, and the boyfriend got up into Stephen's face, ready to fight.

Stephen yelled, "Ass-wraiths!" and actually reached for the boyfriend's butt and grabbed it.

The guy shoved at Stephen and ran at him. Stephen ran away, but this guy had friends and they all ran after him, into the woods bordering the graveyard.

Some other woman came up to me and asked, "You know that guy?"

I had to reply, "Never seen him before in my life."

He had driven me to the "event," but I guessed I could probably bum a ride off of someone else there. I made some new friends and soon we were all laughing and talking and having a good time.

Then my phone buzzed. My signal was spotty, but I saw that I had missed a call from Stephen. Feeling a vague sense of responsibility, I went aside and called him back.

"Come meet me," he said.

"Where are you?" I asked.

"The woods. Come meet me here."

"Where in the woods?"

"The woods."

He hung up. I returned to my new friends. He called me again a little while later, when I was really pretty tired. I picked up and told him that I was probably going to leave with some other people who had agreed to drop me off at home. I asked him if he'd be okay going back home on his own.

"Don't trust them," he hissed at me over the phone, "They're all ass-wraiths!"

I informed him of my opinion that he was the only ass-wraith in attendance that evening. He said that if I didn't believe him, he'd have to resort to desperate measures and then he hung up again.

A few minutes later, when most of us were packing it in, Stephen made his grand re-entrance, running through the crowd and grabbing as many butts and boobs as he could. "Ass-wraith! Ass-wraith!" he shouted, "It's not me, it's the ass-wraith!"

Another group chased him down, out of the graveyard and across the street. This time, they caught him and roughed him up. I didn't really see what happened to him. Anyway, on the way home I gave another guy my number and the next day I emailed Stephen to let him know that he and I were done. Ladies: never date an ass-wraith!

8 comments:

  1. It's nice to see what the high school kids are up to at parties these days.

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  2. High school? I pictured this taking place in a retirement community.

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  3. I pictured high school for sure, what with references to "doing it"... This story was just plain annoying.

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  4. Retirement community? I thought this was in heaven.

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  5. this is why people shouldn't get drunk @ a graveyard!!! the ass-wraiths will come out.

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  6. And here I thought it was just a family reunion. Let's make "Ass-wraiths!!eleven!" the new "Avoid the Noid"

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  7. I was certain this was going to be the plot from ReAnimator

    ReplyDelete

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