9/06/2013

For When You're Only Kinda Horn

Story Sent in by Jody:

After Roland and I exchanged pleasantries and sat down on a park bench together, he told me, "You should know that I'm feeling a bit hornish tonight."

That was a new one. "Hornish?"

"Yeah. You know. Like I want to just go at it. Right now."

I was in awe of and disgusted with his honesty. I told him I didn't think I could help him, and he said that he had figured as much. He then talked about how hard it was to be "hornish" all the time and then asked me if I knew of any public restrooms in the area. I didn't.

He said, "I wish you were also hornish," and then described his dick in great detail.

"It's been compared to that of Michelangelo's David," he said proudly.

Unable to resist, I said, "White, cold, and useless?"

We both laughed. Then he again asked me if I knew of a public restroom in the vicinity. I again told him that I didn't, then he stood up and said that he was going off to go find one. Good for him!

While he was away on his search, I took off. All that talk about hornishness made me a bit uneasy.

9 comments:

  1. It's entirely possible that I am unaware of a subculture where straight men troll public restrooms for women to bang but is this a thing? I was under the impression that gay men who wanted a no frills hook up a la George Michael do that. Is "hornish" code for bi-curious?

    Jesus, I really have to stop being such a frigid prude. First I learn that bear attacks are dick hardening events and nothing to be mocked and now I find out dudes are infiltrating the public bathrooms to bug women for sex. Whatever happend to drunk dialing someone you don't really like and then belittling them until they come over and sex you up? Am I the only one who still stands by these classic go-to moves?

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  2. Op, I think you meant "uneasish".

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  3. Why don't guys want to put in the effort anymore? What happened to the art of the game? Is it craigslist's fault? Ima go ahead and blame it on craigslist.

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  4. Good thing you guys never made it to dinner. He would have kept asking you to order the hornish game hen.

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  5. Finally we have a cure for Empty Vagina Syndrome, and the chick doesn't want it? WTF!

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  6. I just want to say how delighted I am to have such a wonderful gentleman as Roland step up and cure the EVS epidemic so promptly with this innovative hornish solution. Not all of us girls are as unappreciative as the OP and on behalf of all women I apologise for her behaviour.

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  7. "I was in awe of and disgusted with his honesty."

    I'm one of your oldest lurkers, and this line brought me out of lurk-dom. Co-workers wondering at my maniacal laughter.

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  8. I wish we had a cure for Steve's idiotish ;)

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