8/26/2013

Fruit Suit Riot

Story Sent in by Dave:

When I first met Kristie on our date, she handed me a plastic container of mixed fruit and said that she had made me a fruit salad. I thanked her and we went out to dinner.

All through the meal she seemed tense and finally at the end she asked me if I was going to eat the fruit salad. "I really need the container back tonight," she said.

I wasn't aware of that and so I started on some, right there at the table. I was pretty full and so I had to stop after a little bit. I told her how good it was.

"Eat it all," she said.

"I can't," I said, "I'm way too full. Can you help me with it?" I offered her some.

"Never," she said, then took the container back and asked the waiter if he wanted to try any. He politely turned her down, and then she actually went up to a couple of other tables to ask the people sitting there if they wanted any. No one did, and she came back to sulk.

I asked the waiter for an extra take-out container and when he brought it, I poured the rest of the fruit salad into it. I then gave her back her container. She was so amazed by my idea that she clapped for me, good and loud, there at the table.

Once dinner was over, we left and she asked me if I wanted to go to another place nearby. "They make great fruit salad," she said.

I reminded her that I already had a take-out container of homemade fruit salad with me. She sulked a bit more, and then we called it a night.

She sent me an email almost instantly to ask me if I liked the rest of the fruit salad she had made. I told her that I did, and she never wrote me back again.

11 comments:

  1. Yeah, I'm pretty sure she did something awful to that fruit salad. I'll leave it up to Fizziks and TryN2Fly to tell you exactly what that something was.

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  2. Well, if she's anything like Walter White, she probably laced it with Ricin...

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  3. You ate the suspicious fruit salad made by a girl who's obviously not that into you? Wow, just... wow. Tell me, when you were a kid, did your parents tell you to always be friendly to strangers because they have good candy?

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  4. Wolfie?! Where ya been??

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  5. I'm still not understanding some folk's obsession with bringing homemade food gifts on a date that includes a meal and then getting upset if the date doesn't eat every bite and cheer.

    Architect is right, she did something to that salad. My guess is it was spiked with hobo cum collected over a series of days.

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  6. You really shouldn't eat homemade food prepared by a stranger. Especially when the stranger refuses to eat it, too.

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  7. Sorry for my disappearance Steve! I've been very busy causing new bad dates to help fill up this website. We can't rely on Chunky Horse for EVERYTHING, you know...

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  8. Op, she just wanted to stuff you with fruit salad so she can call you fruity her nickname for you.

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  9. I was thinking vagina juice instead of cum because she prolly would have eaten the cum. That would be pretty sweet. I'm sure there's some joke in there about fruity pussy. Anyway, yeah, wouldn't eat something that the giver won't eat herself. Bad news all around. My brain hurts a little. So wolf if the bad dates you created show up on this site, are you going to fess up to them? And Archi, I'm sure Fizz and T2F have some better ideas on how she messed with the fruit salad. I guess it puts on less pounds than ice cream. Hi Steve, Devs, Azul. Howdy Elizabeth. baddate on. baddate on.

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  10. OP, or as I like to call him Fruity Dave, was this date at an airport bar by any chance? Did the fruit salad have peanuts through it with a "savory" brown sauce and a hint of heroin?

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  11. See, I knew TN2F would come up with somethin' good. Bravo!

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