8/08/2013

Food for Fraught

Story Sent in by Alice:

During dinner, Eric wasn't too talkative. Instead, he just sort of gazed at me the whole time, even after our meals were served. He didn't touch his food but looked at me like a little kid enraptured at a TV set.

I finally asked him what was up. He said that being in my presence was enough to nourish him and that he required nothing to eat or drink as long as he was around me. Whatever. I ate my food as best as I could under his unflinching gaze. He had his food boxed up.

When the check came he took it but kept looking at me with one eye as he held the bill up to his other eye. He explained that he didn't want to stop looking at me for fear of starving. I asked him if he wanted my help with the bill and he said he'd take care of it.

We walked out together and he looked at me the whole time. I asked him what he wanted to do. He said, "Look at you."

I told him that he didn't have to keep looking at me non-stop. He said, "Do you want me to starve? You're feeding my very soul. From my head-meats to my toe-cheese."

Okay. Once you break out the toe-cheese, I'm done. I wished him a good night and sped back to my car as fast as my feet and toes could carry me. He yelled after me, "You're going to make me starve! Staaaaarve! Staaaaaaaarve!"

I'm sure that with some reheated dinner and some therapy, he'd be just fine.

8 comments:

  1. Mmmmmm, I love toe-cheese. It's a delicacy where I come from. A little chunk of that on a cracker with a slice of head-meat....now that's some good eating!

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  2. CREEPY!!! I dated a guy for a couple of weeks, and at my sister's wedding, for which I did the photography, when we sat down to eat (I was starving after that) he didn't eat - he sat there with his chin resting on his hand and gazed at me nonstop as I was enjoying my meal. He had apparently eaten before the wedding. It was so creepy that I said "Please stop staring at me as I eat - it makes me feel uncomfortable." I guess he thought he was being adoring or romantic, judging by the enraptured look on his face, up until I made that statement. Yeah, it was over at that point.

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  3. Man, women can never make up their mind! One day it's all like "Hey, can you stop looking at me? I'm on the toilet making a #3, what's your deal?" And then the next day "Why don't you look at me when we have sex?" Jeesh! Make up your mind. I'm looking at YOU... women.

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  4. Yeah, what a super creep. I'm sure he thought he would come off as a romantic and the ladies would just eat that up and, you know, never starve because his romance feeds the soul. Dick.

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  5. @ Steve -- no point in blaming all ladies for how our relationship went. It started out fine but just fizzled after awhile.

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  6. Ha ha ha! Oh Fizziks, you are hilarious and sexy. Being 1/2 poultry myself I found your beast love reference very arousing. Thank you.
    Now lets deal with this date. I feel everyone has it wrong and this young man had heard of the wonderful seductive power of the Number 4. Unfortunately he got the sequence all wrong. First you and your date sit on your respective decorative painters buckets, then you hold hands, THEN you make steady eye contact, then you poop in the bucket. Get that order wrong and you just look creepy.
    I also would not recommend beginners trying this at an airport wine bar especially if either party has hay fever.

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  7. This is a funny story,but if it's true,then the guy is really weird.Well,it's only guys who act weird but girls too.I was dating this girl who obviously comes from a low class family,the thing she did the morning after our night was prepare a beverage made out of newspaper and hot water.She said it's a concoction to prevent pregnancy.

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