8/02/2013

Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough

Story Sent in by Audrey:

When I was much younger, I went on one date with Ron. He pulled his BMW up onto the lawn of my parents' house and honked his horn to let me know he was there.

I left the house and climbed into his car. He was smoking the smelliest cigarette I had ever encountered and had all the windows rolled up. As he pulled away with me, I asked him if he could at least roll the windows down, but he said, "I'm the man of the house," and kept them up.

He blasted techno so it was almost impossible to carry on a conversation. Not that he was interested in that anyway. He drove us down some twisty back roads and stopped short at a stop sign.

"Stop!" he yelled, then parked and jumped out of the car.

He went up to the stop sign and tried to pull it out. I asked him what he thought he was doing. He said, "My car's a rental. Help me pull this sign out. It'll be fun!"

I reminded him of how dangerous and illegal it was, but that didn't stop him from trying (and subsequently failing). I didn't want to go back into the car with him, and when I hesitated, he said, "I thought women liked fun guys," then sped off, leaving me there. I called my parents and they picked me up. Incidentally, my father was a cop and I told him all about it.

Didn't hear again from Ron.

6 comments:

  1. I would have gotten out of the car at the 'man in the house' comment. No way I'd put up with someone that obnoxious.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm confused. Did Ron really pull on to the OP's parents lawn? Did they not have a driveway or was he just a supreme dick? What does Ron's car being a rental have to do with stealing a stop sign? Is there some kind of "You are permitted to steal road signs" clause in rental car agreements?

    Aside from the blatant rudeness and pathetic kleptomania, Ron sounds like a confusing and complicated dreamboat.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I like to pack heat on every date that way if they dish out really bad head I can gun those pathetic bitches down like Mallory Knox in Oliver Stones Natural Born Killers.
    Even if I'm not packing I'll outsource that shit to the cops with one distressed phone call. You could have strained your pasta with clueless Ron here if he was dating me and put on a performance like that.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I know this story took place recently, but I'm reading this story in 70's era sepia tones. Ron pulled up on the lawn in his rust colored Trans-Am. CB antenna still whipping back and forth from the hard left turn. Audrey climbed in to a car filled with the smoke from his Kent cigarettes. "I'm the man of the house and any woman of mine is going to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen!" Then they head off to some back roads for some good old country fun. Meanwhile, Ron doesn't know he's out on a date with Rosco P. Coletrain's daughter!

    ReplyDelete
  5. What did your dad, the cop, do? Did he give him a ticket? Weren't your parents mad that he drove up on the lawn?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Driving up onto the lawn and honking to get your attention instead of knocking on the door should have been your cue to send him on his way. OP sounds desperate.

    ReplyDelete

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