Does Not Compute

Story Sent in by Clyde:

I taught a math class for adults who wanted to change careers, and one of my students was Lena. She was around my age and easily the hottest woman in the class (of 12), though she was a bit shy. She was good at math and once the class was complete, I asked her out.

During dinner, I joked with her about how she had probably just taken the class in order to meet me, and she replied that before the end of the date, she'd do something to prove that wrong.

We strolled to a park with a beach, sat down, and kissed for a little bit. Then she stopped abruptly and said, "I've gotta find a bathroom. Now!"

We were at least a 10-minute walk from a bathroom, but a tall rock pile was nearby. She said, "Wait here. Oh my God!" Then a horrible sound came from her pants and she ran around to the other side of the rocks.

I had no idea what had set her bowels off so suddenly. I asked her if she was okay and if I could go grab her a towel from my car, and so on.

She rebuffed all of my offers but I jogged back to my car and tossed a towel over the rocks to her anyway. She tossed it right back. I asked her a couple more times if I could do anything for her but she said no to everything.

I waited for her for a while longer, then called out to her again. No response. Concerned, I went to the other side of the rocks and found her curled up, nodding off on the sand. A freshly dug hole was close by, but I didn't look in it. I roused her and helped her back up the beach. As we walked she said, "See? I proved you wrong. I didn't take the class just because of you."

I remarked that nothing she had done had really proven that. She broke down and cried after I said that, and after setting her back in her car, I went home from one of the strangest nights I had ever had.

A while later, she sent me a brief email to see how I was. I wrote her back, wishing her well and asking her what she was up to. She never replied.


  1. This story is off the charts weird and gross even by ABCoD standards. Unless she had a ton of tissues in her pocket, it appears that she didn't wipe her ass afterwards which means she was sitting in the OP's car with a shitty booty. I would burn my car.

    On the plus side, she covered her poo which means predators won't know she was there.

  2. It was her car Devil, though just leaving her seems a little mean.
    My main issue with this is that he as a teacher saw one of his students was hot and asked her out. If she had asked him out it wouldn't be as bad. If you're taking a class and the teacher asks you out I can see how it might be hard to say no.

  3. That crossed my mind too. However he did mention that he asked her out once the class was complete.

  4. This story was such a comfort to me. All this needed was an ass packed with heroin filled condoms, a wedding dress and a sneeze and it could have been one of my dates. The OP should have been a bit classier and taken Lena to an airport wine bar.

  5. Ass sneezes don't count?

  6. I don't get the falling asleep part. Who takes a great big dump, doesn't wipe, and then takes a nap next to their fecal deposit? How drunk was this girl OP? Also, you should have offered her a decorated paint can. That's the classy, non-blue-collar thing to do.


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