7/30/2013

The Flower of Love

Story Sent in by Andrew:

There was nothing about Stephanie that came off as imbalanced at first. We met on Plentyoffish and had a good coffee date. Afterward, we walked through a park at sundown and she picked a flower off a bush.

She picked petals off the flower and said, loud enough for me to hear, "He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not…" all the while giving me furtive glances.

I didn't say anything to that, although it made me uneasy. She finished on, "He loves me not," then threw the stem down and looked at me as if I had really told her that I didn't like her. Although, I have to emphasize, I had done nothing of the sort.

"Jerk," she said to me, then speed walked ahead. I kept walking at a normal pace, and when she finally stopped and I caught up with her, she asked me, "Why are you such a jerk?"

I said, "It was the flower who ended on 'he loves me not.' Not me."

"So you do love me," she said.

"After meeting just once? No."

"So the flower was right. You are a jerk."

I think I spent the next few seconds trying to talk sanity into her, but she wasn't having any that day. We walked together back to our cars and without a goodnight, we left each other's lives.

14 comments:

  1. OP, I do the exact same thing with my "dates". Except it's with dollar bills.

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  2. Man, I love banging crazys. tis a shame you didn't tap that.

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  3. Iris you would be gladiolus that you got fresia. Sure, you wanted to get your tuberose in her snapdragon, but after she'd peony you would be petunia pants on fast and begonia. Your morning glory might be echinacea, too, orchid you not.

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  4. Karma caught up with her...on the way back to her car, she stepped on a crack ... and well, you know...

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  5. Bravo, Fizziks! And also, this reminds me of that Mitch Hedberg joke in reference to the he loves me, he loves me not. I might not be quoting it exactly right, but it goes something like this:

    "What if the flower could talk? What would it say? Ouch that hurts! Ouch that hurts as well! And I am no longer pretty. And he loves you not. I could have told you that if I had had an even number of petals."

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  6. I like to end a date with bruised petals and a funny walk.

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  7. I believe it is "I could had told you I had an even number of pedals!" As in the girl didn't have to pick off all the pedals just to find out that he loves you not.

    However, you have still won this comment section by quoting (incorrectly) Mitch Hedberg. You win!

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  8. @ Shoe - I'm with you man! That fatal attraction stuff is what I live (or die, either way) for!

    @ Green Green - Make it rain!

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  9. I can't imagine what she would do if you told her about some other superstitions. If I were you, I would tell her it's extremely unlucky to see an ambulance unless you hold your breath until you see a black or brown dog. Love to see her turn blue while she frantically searched for a stray!

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  10. My superstition is that if I post a comment, a kitten dies...unless somebody posts one after me within 18 minutes. It doesn't count if it's Jarrrrrrred. Then worse things happen

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  11. So close! (That's what she said)

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  12. Thanks Shoe! Love Mitch Hedberg and thanks for the correction.

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  13. http://themetapicture.com/he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not/

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