7/27/2013

Homo Not-So-Sapien

Story Sent in by Laniah:

I think I have a decent sense of humor, but on my date with Jack, he laughed at everything I said. Even if it wasn't a joke, he found everything I said funny. It was like he had read a book on women that contained the line, "Laugh at her jokes!" but took it way too far. It didn't help that his laugh sounded like a dolphin being twisted in half.

Further into this uncomfortable situation, he asked me, "What species are you?"

"Uh… human?"

"No. You know what I mean. What species?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

He laughed and said, "You know!" He drank down his entire cup of water, and some of it dribbled down his chin. He said, "Ready for the check?"

He sent a text on his phone and a moment later, it arrived on my phone. It said, "WHAT IS YOUR SPECIES?"

I put the phone down and didn't acknowledge it. He stared at me as if waiting for an answer, but it never came. The date ended shortly thereafter with a promise from him that he'd "be in touch."

He wasn't in touch with me again, but when I browsed his profile again not too long after, he had down, "I'm looking for a girl who knows her SPECIES!?!?" Good luck with that.

11 comments:

  1. I know exactly how Laniah feels as I get that same damn question on almost every date I go on. "What species are you?" Amazingly some have never even heard of a Griffin so I have to explain I'm a bit of a cock and a bit of a pussy.
    The exception to the rule was of course the illustrious Art Vandelay who at dinner couldn't take his eyes of me while masturbating furiously asking over and over "How much to toss your salad?" Such a gentleman.

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  2. wait so human is not a species? omg what have i been taught?

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  3. Human is the non scientific name for the species. Human is to Homo sapiens as dog is to Canis lupus familiaris. The former is just easier to say. I don't know whether to laugh or despair for the human species (yes, species) when I read your comments blue blue.

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  4. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say Blue Blue was being sarcastic.

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  5. Dunicha, you must be new here. ;P

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  6. Dunicha, Thank you for knowing what I meant. Kez, are you really thinking I didn't know that stuff? Cause if you are wow. Just wow.

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  7. When I read blue blues comments I imagine them being said by someone wide eyed and obliviously genuine. Just the tone I pick up from the statements.

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  8. Kez,I was being sarcastic about my comment for this one. And I know what going on I just choose to write my comment that way cause I like writing it that way.

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  9. The plural of species is species, but the plural of Jack is Assclowns.

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  10. Is it really that unreasonable to expect from woman to know her species? Tsk tsk

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  11. My favorite species of woman is Nympho.

    And OP, with a name like Laniah, do you have an extensive collection of hoop earrings?

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