7/29/2013

Dark Chest of Wonders

Story Sent in by Abbie:

Arnold didn't waste much time in showing me who he really was. He fixated on my chest from almost the beginning so in turn, I looked at his (which was of average size), pretending to be transfixed. I would only speak to his chest and I stared at it like an idiot after it became clear that that was all he was interested in about me.

He asked me what I was doing. I told him I was staring at his chest, since he seemed to find mine way more interesting than anything I was saying. He said, "Yeah, but you've got jugs. I don't."

I said, "Sure you do. They're pretty big, for a guy. You should be proud of them."

He sat back, clearly uncomfortable. "Shut up. I mean it."

"Do you lactate?" I asked, "Guys with big ones often do."

"Shut up!" he cried, "I'm allowed to look at yours."

"And I'm allowed to look at yours. I like a guy like you with big, floppy ones. Will you show me?"

He laughed to himself and said, "Okay. Whatever."

Wouldn't you know it, he never called me for a second date. What a loss.

12 comments:

  1. Meh. OP is clearly a prude who is ashamed of her jugs. I swoon and get sopping wet when some creep stares at my sweater puppies and then tells me they're purdy. I had to eat a lot of Big Macs, super sized fries and apple pies to gain enough fat to get these DDs. A compliment about 'em just proves my constant eating and sitting around on my plentiful ass is paying off because a man is paying attention to me!

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  2. Ha, OP called him out on his male lactation! You just know he had a sports bra on under his shirt with absorbent pads in the cups.

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  3. OP struck a blow for women's lib... but then still expected him to pick up the check...

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  4. Devil, I heard that you can greatly increase your chest size by rubbing some toilet paper between your boobs...

    I mean, hey, look at how many women have fat asses...

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  5. Well played OP!! One of the best ways I've seen boob-ogling handled. Nay, the best way. Well done.

    Now tits or gtfo.

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  6. @Steve - have you decided to make all of your comments today while impersonating Archie Bunker? Or did you finally get your interlibrary loan of edgy jokes from the Library of Congress?

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  7. @ SmallCityGirl - LOL! You made me snort while drinking Pepsi!

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  8. @Fizziks - I always felt I was born 50 years too late. I want it to be socially acceptable to be sexist, racist, and benefit from white priviledge, etc, dammit!

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  9. @Steve - hey, don't give up on your dreams, man. There's a subreddit out there that will fulfill all your dreams!

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  10. @Architect - Ouch! But awww yiss. Motha. Fuckin. Laughter.

    *pulling a Constanza/Blue Blue and leaving at the top of my game*

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  11. Hi everybody! Bravo, OP! I'm lovin' it! Oh, Steve, perhaps you were born fifty years too late. Perhaps. But then you'd be like super old commenting on these posts. I mean like super old. hmm. Although, I think you'd still be pretty hot super old. Where is Blue Blue Green Green anyway? SmallCity, your profile pic brings me joy. Happy Monday, everyone!

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  12. Don't worry tanette, we're ok. We had a tandem bike accident yesterday during our commute. We are fine, but the bike is completely smashed. What had happened was, we were riding down the street when this giant wall sprang up in front of us and we smashed into it. After we regained consciousness, we realized it was the enormous bulk of Fizziks' substantial ass that had blocked our path. No worries though. I'm back on my street corner and Blue Blue is back to selling bananas!

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