6/14/2013

Voted Off the Island

Story Sent in by Wanita:

James drank a lot on our first date. So much so that he had to bolt to the bathroom just before our food arrived. When he returned, he told me, "I puked."

I told him, "Will you be okay? Maybe you should cool it with the drinks."

He said, "You're right. From this moment forth, I'll cut down."

He ordered a few more beers during the meal and excused himself to go to the bathroom twice more. When the check came, he paid it. After dinner, I helped him out of the restaurant and he asked me if I'd help him make it home. I dumped him in my car, he gave me his address, and I drove him there.

Once we arrived at the address he had given me, he lolled his head around to face it and said, "Where are we?"

"Your house... right?"

"No. I don't know this place. We at 11 Sugarbaker Terrace?"

"You told me 3040 Crenshaw."

"Oh. No. I don't know this place. Take me to 11 Sugarbaker."

Sugarbaker Terrace was a few blocks away, so it wasn't a big deal, although I wondered why he told me to bring him to that first address.

When we arrived at Sugarbaker, he laughed and said, "Nope! I don't live here, either."

I said, "You get one more try."

"Or what?" he laughed, then said, "Okay, okay, okay. I'm at 839 Metcalf Street. Promise."

I took him to Metcalf, but the numbers only went up to 600-something. He laughed again.

I jumped out of the car, opened the passenger door, and pulled him out of my vehicle. It wasn't hard. He was sloshed to high heaven. He hit the sidewalk in a heap. I slammed his door shut, ran back to my side of the car, and left him there. I was through with him, and although it wasn't something I really wanted to do, I didn't have a choice. Since then, I've been a bit leery when a guy drinks on a date.

18 comments:

  1. The ironic thing is his real address was 123 Fake Street.

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  2. "Since then, I've been a bit leery when a guy drinks on a date."

    Yes, there is NO difference between a guy having 1 beer and a guy having 10 and puking multiple times. Punish them all!

    But at least he paid for dinner, right?

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  3. It's like those who say, "I had a bad experience once when I went out with someone I met online. I will never do online dating again."

    It just makes no sense. Because all of the people you meet out in the world are going to be perfect gems, right?

    Now if she had said, "Since then, I've been a bit leery when a guy professes his neo-Nazi ideals and hatred of the Jews," then by all means, don't date any other neo-Nazi fuckheads.

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  4. Cripes, Steve. "A bit leery" isn't tantamount to "punish them all." So she has a bit more common sense, now. That's not a bad thing. Not nearly as bad as being bitter. Steve.

    Way I hear it, Chunky Horse pays for you, all the time. And by "pays for you," I mean "tears its prey limb from sinewy limb, only to drop a bloodied mass from its maw onto your doorstep with a sickening squelch."

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  5. Granted, this was definitely his fault and doesn't deserve any special treatment. That being said, I feel like you should have at least driven to a safe spot like a hospital, back to the restaurant, or gas station.

    I guess I'm just picturing you pulling him out in the middle of the road in some ghetto area and leaving him.

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  6. I'm not bitter! But I totes go to law school so I can be an awesome cop/lawyer/secret agent. And I'm SO happy I met my super-special significant other! (Just don't tell them I troll dating sites and lead people on to feed my ego, plz!)

    One day, y'all will be telling your grandchildren where you were on 6/14/13 10:18AM EST, when KatieGirl officially became an ABCotD meme...

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  7. My cat likes the KatieGirl meme.

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  8. I'm a law student too and so is my, so lucky we met, partner The Architects cat. We have a cake and a ceremonial ostrich ride every 14th of June to celebrate the KateGirl meme.

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  9. I tried to make her a running joke a few days ago. Do I at least get my choice in piece of cake? I want a flower piece.

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  10. @Connie - I really liked your katieturn the other day :) I think half the time that something "ends" a comment thread it's actually cuz everyone loves it and doesn't feel up to topping it just then. Plus, fresh date!

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  11. Goddammit! You think you know someone and they turn out to be a a darn robot. Talk about a bad case of the comments.

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  12. I work in the legal field. Having said that, anyone who brags about being in law school is none too bright. Many, many (many!) current law school students will be referred to as "unemployed" or "baristas" in the next few years. And they'll have $100,000+ in debt to boot.

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  13. Cats can't make coffee TacoDave or should I say ........ KatieGirl! Welcome back, you've been missed. We make a KatieGirl meme. You like?

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  14. Aren't memes suppose to have pictures accompanying them so they can be shorthanded? Like the Butthurt Basement Dweller or 2/10 Would Not Bang? Someone needs to mock up a lady lawyer with a briefcase working on an important legal document whilst studying for exams with a loving man in the background wearing a t-shirt that says "Greatest Boyfriend Ever. Girlfriend Lets Internet Know". Chunky Horse should be in on that too.

    I'm also glad to see TryN2Fly is out of the doldrums. So many KatieGirl posts that your panties must be soaking. Or you have a leaky boner...no idea what gender you are 'cause I'm too busy with legal finals!!!! Both maybe? *crosses fingers*

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  15. Oh Devil you are perceptive. Yes I have a lovely penis you could use as an armrest, two beautiful ovaries where the testicles should be and a vagina. Quite the crowd pleaser I assure you.

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  16. Aren't you a laday, TrynFly? I don't know why I'm awake at four am. I can't top anything anyone said, but I must give a few kudos to the OP for trying to help the guy out. At least he didn't get behind the wheel.

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  17. That's all fine and all, but where are we on my flower piece?

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