6/25/2013

Those Pants Painted On?

Story Sent in by R.W.:

While out with Meredith, she asked me, "Do you think my jeans look too tight?"

They did. I said, "Not at all. Are you comfortable?"

She wiggled unpleasantly and said, "Not really. Is it cool if I change?"

"You have a spare outfit with you?"

She didn't, so we detoured our date to a Target, where she told me I could "go hang out in the food and electronics sections" while she tried on some new clothes. I thought it was rude, but I stuck around to be polite.

A little while later, she purchased two pairs of jeans, then returned to a fitting room to put one of the pairs on. If it was even possible, the new pair she came out with was even tighter than the last. She must have liquified herself in order to pour into them.

"How do these look?" she asked.

"Great," I lied, "Are they comfier?"

She nodded. "Much."

Well that was our only date.

28 comments:

  1. I figured I'd switch up my commenting style today because this story sucks snoozing balls. So....

    hey oP, I think you date wanted you to see her in tight jeans to make you think of sex with her! Loll!! She was horny so you should had said baby I love those tight jeans and had the sex with her! LoL!

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  2. Haha dude you're a handf of grammatical errors away from sounding like blue blue

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  3. Those jeans were so tight you could count the change in her pockets.

    Those jeans were so tight, she had to jump off the roof of Target to get into them.

    She bought that new brand of jeans, Helen Keller. They are so tight you could read her lips.

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  4. Hey TheArchitect, I think you think the op's date's jeans were too tight! I think that to. Helen Keller could see that!! LmafO!

    Oh kez, I sound like me only! You muist have a bitter life! :-)

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  5. I think she wanted OP to pay for the jeans for her. The whole thing was a pretense just to get him in that position. This is further supported by the fact that she picked out TWO pairs of also-tight jeans, when ONE pair of not-so-tight jeans would have done the trick.

    Yes, clothes wh0res do exist.

    In college, I was on a date with a girl, when she ALSO insisted that we go to Target for some reason or another. She picked out some clothes, and we went to the checkout. When it came time to pay, she looked at me expectantly. When I made no move to pay, she was clearly displeased.

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  6. I dub Devil the official ABCotD chameleon!

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  7. Here I was thinking this girl just had massively low self-esteem and that, in her mind, nothing she had in her closet was good enough for a date. But I like the clothes-whore theory better, followed by the find-me-sexy-and-bang-me-dammit theory.

    The last few stories on this site have been so megacray, I can't even comment on them. Except this one. This one was just boring. OP didn't even finish the story! Did you take her out for dinner and pay for everything? I bet you did, pussy.

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  8. Didn't seem that bad to me, unless she was expecting him to pay (which wasn't in the story). Unless you just don't like girls in tight jeans or something.

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  9. I like girls in NO jeans...

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  10. @smallcitygirl.

    megacray? Really? I think that the vernacular is passing me by (34yo)

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  11. Cray = crazy. Ergo, megacray implies that one must be cray of astronomical proportions.

    BTW, I always picture SmallCityGirl as a cowgirl, for some reason, and this gets me kinda chubb'd up... any reality behind this, SCG?

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  12. Being that we're almost 30, my husband laughs at my shortening of words, cuz obvi that's so cray and ridic that imma be divorced soon. Fortunately I'm in a loving & supportive relationship with the best man ever but no time to talk about that now, I have important work to do because I have a 4 year degree & a job which makes me more important than most, obvi.

    And sorry to ruin your quarterchub Steve but no, I'm not a cowgirl. SmallCITYgirl, not many cows around here, except the ones at Walmart. But I'm Canadian so they're really polite cows at least.

    They're not, actually. Cuz they're fat, fat bitch!

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  13. i'm confused if her first jeans were uncomfortable than how can the second pair be comfortable? that is a mystery.

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  14. ^ I am curious -can you count to potato?

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  15. I've done some cattle work. I'd say there're nothing half chub worthy about being covered in manure but I already know all of you are half deviant perverts and likely into thy sort of thing :)

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  16. I can't use my iphone and real decent English to save my life, damn it

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  17. When playing the role of the woman on a shopping date at Target I like to be called Reverse Cowgirl especially if it's with Steve. He can also read between the lines when I send him to the food & electronics section and meets me in the change room with a "massager" and a cucumber.
    However when playing the role of the man on any date I insist on being called Gregory Peck.

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  18. Jeans are NOT a vegetable.

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  19. G, Can you count to potato? I am wondering G, can you read? cause if you can than you should be able to understand why i am confused. When op said that she came up with her jeans looking more tight i wonder how can it be comfortable when his date, who thought the first pair was uncomfy, why would she get a pair that more tight and yet those pair are comfy?

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  20. I don't read enough comments to know if Blue Blue is kidding. And I don't actually want to know because I'm afraid of the answer.

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  21. I honestly don't think she's kidding.

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  22. @ blue blue - that's the point of the story. The girl made no sense, therefore she was weird/crazy and a bad date. If she had actually picked out more comfortable jeans, or said that the tighter jeans were less comfortable, we wouldn't be reading about her here.

    I do, however, wonder if the new jeans were actually those horrible jeggings thingies that were all the rage a year or two ago, in which case, they probably would be more comfortable than jeans.

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  23. Blue Blue is a beautiful, delicate rose in this festering world of trolling commentators. S/he is confused by the sick and twisted, and gallantly offers up her observations of the painfully obvious in defense. Well done Blue Blue, well done. May you always be this site's moral (and slightly out of whack) compass.

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  24. these comment threads have been simply marvelous lately! G-i laughed so hard i scared the cat! :D

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  25. Blue Blue, you should not be here without your parents' permission.

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