6/17/2013

The Second-to-Last Samurai

Story Sent in by Lee:

I know 100% that I was the bad date in this scenario.

In high school, Andrea and I were on a date at an art museum, looking at swords. She told me that her uncle had a sword collection that rivaled that of the museum, itself. I was interested in seeing them (although mostly I was interested in spending more time with Andrea). She called up her uncle, who lived about a half-hour away, and made plans for us to swing by his place once we were done at the museum.

We took my car. Andrea gave me directions, and we wound up at her uncle's impressive house. When we rang the front doorbell, the door swung open and a guy in a terrifying samurai mask, holding a horrifying samurai sword, roared at us.

I screamed, ran for my car, and drove all the way home, leaving Andrea there.

Of course, the guy with the sword was her uncle, trying to give us a fright. It worked in my case, and as bad as I felt for just leaving Andrea there, I never actually apologized to her, and of course she never spoke to me again. I've thought about reaching out, now that years have passed, hoping to have a laugh about it with her... but maybe it's best to leave things be.

15 comments:

  1. Yet another little bitch not delivering any dick. Seriously, it's almost at the point where a girl has to walk down a busy street yelling "Will someone please fuck me" to get laid.

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  2. Was this date in Philly? I wonder how many other art museums have arms and armor exhibits? Definitely my favorite area of the museum...

    Anyway, I just don't understand this dude... Did you really think that a 17th Century Samurai warrior lived there and was going to attack you? And if so, you just abandon any women/small children in the vicinity? You're a regular George Constanza, aren't ya?

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  3. OP left skid marks on the pavement and in his pants. Way to go.

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  4. Sometimes ya just have to hit the chicken switch. :)

    Jarrred, why pass on an opportunity to use 'penultimate'?

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  5. @Steve - the Art Institute of Chicago also has a pretty awesome collection of armor and weaponry. Chunky Horse would approve.

    I don't think the OP was a bad date, though he definitely ran away like a sobbing little girl (really? A "horrifying" samurai sword?). If anything, I think the uncle is the one who ruined the date by pranking someone he didn't know. Some people just don't like unexpected scares and react badly to them.

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  6. I can understand being scared and running. Even maybe running to the car.... or even starting it and maybe backing up.

    But how long did it take you to realize that you were an idiot and it was just her Uncle? Long enough that it was easier to hide than to return and face criticism?

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  7. I think everyone here is judging the OP harshly. For all we know, he witnessed a samurai murder his mother and father as a child as they were all walking home from a movie. That tragic event shapes lives differently. Bruce Wayne saw the same thing and became Batman. The OP became the dude who screams like a bitch and runs away from slightly startling things never to be seen again. That's a super power.

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  8. Super Bitch Boy - Able to disappear in a flash leaving behind only his outline in smoke and the faint smell of bodily waste!

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  9. His spirit animal is the opossum

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  10. Wait. You felt bad that you left her at her own uncle's house? I think it's fair to say she got home okay that night.

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  11. Are you crazy geomorphgirl! Did you even read the story!?!?! Her uncle was a mass murdering ninja Samurai 10th black belt master! She is surely.... surely dead. Hacked to pieces.

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  12. My spirit animal is the spread eagle.

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  13. geomorphgirl, I presume the OP intuitively knew that his date's uncle was a Creepy Molester Uncle (yes, that is a proper noun). We all have them, be it by blood or marriage. They lurk in the shadows waiting for the proper time to dress up as a samurai to scare off dates because no one should be dittling their nieces and/or nephews except them.

    These are facts. Use them as you see fit.

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  14. Wait a minute. How do you know it was her uncle since you drove off leaving her behind and the two of you never spoke to each other again? Could have been a real Samurai. I'm just being a bit too analytical I guess. TrynFly looks like an fwb is in order for you. Try going to a karaoke bar. Maybe you can pick one up there. Or a local band playing. Or a comedy open mic. That would be especially good because comedy is dominated by men. Steve, what luna said. Luna thanks for mentioning the Art Institute. Did you know that the lions in front now have Blackhawk helmets on. aiyiyi. And once again, oh devil, you devil. :)

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  15. Did OP update this? Now it says he knows he was in the wrong. Well, at least he knows.

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