Ruff Night

Story Sent in by Melissa:

Greg invited me out to dinner. I showed up alone, but he showed up with his dog, Risa. She was adorable, but she was a Rottweiler.

"We have to find a pet-friendly place for dinner," Greg said, "since I have Risa with me."

"Why'd you bring her?" I asked him.

"You don't just leave dogs alone. She's not a paperweight or something."

As someone who grew up with dogs, I remember leaving our dogs alone whenever we went out, and they never seemed worse for wear.

I said, "Do you know a Rottweiler-friendly place?"

"Nope. Let's just walk around until we find one."

None of the places we passed were cool with letting Risa inside. It ended up being a glorified dog walk over the course of an hour. I grew hungry and tired of Greg, so I told him that I was going to go have dinner on my own.

He seemed genuinely offended that I wasn't going to help him walk his dog incessantly. He replied, "Maybe Risa's not the only one who needs a leash."

I shot back, "You won't even leave her home alone. Who's the bitch?"

He glanced at her and said, "If Risa wasn't here, I'd..." and didn't finish the statement. I left him standing there with his lady love and I bought some take-out for myself.


  1. If Risa wasn't here, I'd have a reason to use my martial arts on you.

  2. "You won't even leave her home alone. Who's the bitch?"

    Splendid, splendid comeback

  3. OP, you rock my world! Glad to see an awesome OP. :)

  4. "If Risa wasn't here, I'd...cry and run home like the bitch that I am and let Risa lick peanut butter off my junk like it's Lick a Dick day (ie Wednesdays at Greg's house)."

    In all seriousness, I'm a burgeoning spinster with a menagerie of cats and dogs. I love 'em all and treat them better than I treat a lot of humans (hence the spinster bit) but I leave those fools at home by themselves on the regular. Graves don't dig themselves, ya know. If anyone gets to a point where they can't tear themselves away from a dog for a few hours, that likely means they have resorted to banging said dog. In short, Greg is banging his dog. Hard and frequently.

    And yes, I use my pets as paperweights all the time.

  5. Cats are fantastic paperweights. Unfortunately they only want to weigh down the paper you are trying to work on.

    God OP, you left pets alone?! In your home? Where they had food and water and a nice piece of furniture to chew on? Quick, someone call PETA!

  6. Greg normally leaves her home but heard dogs help you pick up chicks - otherwise, he'd have known all of the pet friendly spots already.

    Plus, the wait normally gives Risa time to freshen up and slip into something more comfortable.

  7. I never ever want to meet any of these weirdos. Ugh.

  8. Why oh why do you always have to fight a Rottweiler every time you want a peanut butter & junk combo?

  9. I hate people who think they need to bring their dog everywhere - and who also don't have the consideration to tell others they'll be bringing their dog.


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