6/06/2013

"Trying New Things"

Story Sent in by Kellie:

One of my first forays into the seedy world of online dating was with Ian. This wasn't long after I ended a seven-year relationship, and so I was looking forward to meeting new people and trying new things.

Ian and I talked for a solid month, and the messages became hot and heavy pretty quickly. We traded some hot talk and hotter photos, and when we finally met, it was pretty much a given that something was going to happen. And something did.

We made it back to his apartment, and moved in a blink to the bed. Everything came off and I assumed that what was coming next was... well, what you'd assume comes next.

He kissed his way down, down, all the way down to my feet. He grabbed my feet, stacked one on top of the other, and somehow wrapped his mouth around all 10 of my toes.

It was a sensation I hadn't expected and didn't much enjoy, but the next thing I knew, he let out a mighty grunt of pleasure, then released my toes from their mouthy prison.

He flopped up next to me with a big smile, said, "Good night," and was snoring in under three minutes. I was wide awake. Unclothed. With moist toes.

If we hadn't spent such a long time speaking before we met, I probably would've just left. But silly as I was, I stuck around until morning.

When I woke up, my toes were in his mouth again. I pulled them out and he became short with me and told me that he had to go to work and that I had to leave. Never mind that it was a Saturday morning. I dressed and left. Aside from a few cursory final emails, we haven't been in touch since.

31 comments:

  1. I'm not sure which is worse, the fact that Ian blows a load in his shorts and doesn't even bother to try to get the owner of the toes off (selfish!) OR the fact that he thought a morning round of this fuckery would be welcomed.

    And again, I can't help but wonder why people like this don't go to fetish specific sites to find willing partners who will enjoy that kind of thing instead of pulling this on unsuspecting people. Nothing wrong with fetishes for the most part but damn, ease someone into it or at least make it worth their while.

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  2. He thought it was cool in the morning because she didn't tell him otherwise. Selfish dudes don't take hints, but he was out cold before she could even throw one.

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  3. What I'm saying is she should have told him something was afoot.

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  4. What a heel! He definitely keeps a girl on her toes.

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  5. I've really been crushin' on Devil lately... <3

    Anyhoo, OP is a slut and an idiot for hopping into bed with a guy she just met on the internet for the first time, and thinking there would be a good outcome. At least HOWIE would have strapped her on like a feedbag... This girl is one step away from having her toes sucked on a pile a garbage. While the twin watches. Twice.

    And yes, I thoroughly enjoy slut-shaming....

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  6. BTW Howie, you'd better stop that ish... Michael Douglas says you can get cancer from it...

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  7. Judging by the way he's word fingering both Devil & Howie, I'm giving it 20min before you can order a double foot job from Steve on some dating site. Dreams do come true.

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  8. Her feet were probably the only thing on her that didn't stink...Watch out...he might get "Athlete's tongue.
    Cancer from that? What next...from smoking? I don't have cancer but I do have vaginal warts on my lips

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  9. I, for one, think we should bring back the good ol' Eastern practice of foot-binding. Makes women's feet much secksier! And fun-size... OMNOMNOM!

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  10. Funny how the OP calls online dating "seedy' and yet after only a month of emails and sending racy photos back and forth, she expects to bang him. If online dating is seedy, she's one of the gardeners.

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  11. She spent the night, in his mind that was a yes.Her behavior was "seedy' but that's what you get for playing in the dirt.

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  12. op, people do work on a Saturday morning. So what is your quip about that? I work on Saturday in the mornings. Unless you know his profession, don't say never mind it was a saturday morning.

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  13. @ Blue Blue - Agreed! No rest for the weary pusher man.

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  14. @ Blue Blue - Agreed! Those signs ain't gonna twirl themselves!

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  15. What in the world would possess you to stay for the night after that?

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  16. Devil seems the only one here with a clue. I'd challenge her to a friendly jelly wrestle but I always eat all the delicious jelly. Seriously boys, are you really that clueless about female sexuality? If I had to wait "only a month of emails" or do more than two or three dates before getting some fresh dick I'd probably die of carpel tunnel syndrome and go bankrupt from the cost of all those batteries. This was a bad date for one reason only, that foot sucking little bitch thought his dick was there just for peeing out of. Thank god for my second option, mud cake. Mud cake never let's me down.

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  17. I agree with you TrN2fly....fresh dick (or snatch) is easy and why wait....but then don't bit your toes to spite your face...and call online dating 'seedy'...I'd blow seed all over her cum riddled toes.

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  18. Now that's the Howie we love, nutting like a lawn sprinkler.

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  19. Aww. y'all are being harsh on the OP. She said it was one of her forays after a seven year relationship. She had to learn. And now she has learned. Otherwise...y'all rock.

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  20. I have to say, I find myself looking forward to the comments that the regulars put on these stories. They're almost always better than the stories themselves.

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  21. I have no problem letting a chick sucks my toes and forgo intercourse. But she has to suck to something else too.

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  22. This site is a little like being in your own sit com. Jarred opens each episode with a lovely scenario, usually involving online dating with the mentally ill, and the commenters improvise the rest of the show. Think of me as the Rebel Wilson of ABCOTD's. I secretly suspect KatieGirl is the Keyser Soze character expertly baiting and manipulating the smug authority figures. Thanks Jarred for all the fun.

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  23. You're welcome. I'm very grateful for the folks who send stories in and even the commenters, although you'll never see me express such flagrant gratitude in writing.

    By the by, "jarred" means "strike against something with an unpleasant vibration or jolt" or "have an annoying, unpleasant, or disturbing effect."

    As all of my effects and vibrations are pleasant, my name is simply spelled Jared, with one R.

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  24. @ JMG - seems like you're really in a pickle. Hope everyone stops gherkin you around so you can preserve your sanity. I relish your blog kosher such a great writer - never a dill moment, always jammin'. Everyone's just jelly. You canned call me if you need to talk to someone that's brine there done that.

    heh - Jarred.

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  25. Fizz, you mustard read my mind. I'd play along with your puns, but it'd be too hard for me to ketchup. Mayo you have a great day.

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  26. Aww, Howie, there's some margarine of error, I don't want to foil your pans for my gruel and unusual punishment. If you want some tips I can shoyu tamari. Maybe we should know batter, because those that forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it.

    Braise the lard I have you to render ade.

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  27. I cannot compete with you Fizziks...I think you are drinking too much coffee, which can cause a latte problems.
    Jarred...carrot to soy something too? And are those chopsticks in your pants or are you just happy sashimi?

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  28. Whew, y'all know how to talk dirty to a fat girl. Literally eating cake, wacking off, reading these delicious comments. I'm going to need a snorkel if I get any wetter.
    But back to the name game. I've worked at a razor company and know exactly how this is played and present to you, the new and improved. Jarrred, with three R's. I think you will all agree its an incredible breakthrough in writer technology. I urge you to try it, it's amazingly satisfying as it exotically rolls off the tongue and typing the third R is a joy. You're welcome.

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  29. If it rolls off the tongue, I'm up for it.

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