6/26/2013

A Gown and Three-Piece Lawsuit

Email Sent in by Sergio:

Hi Sergio. I'm glad you had a good time with me. I had fun too. We should hang out again.

What are you doing today? I have a busy day and woke up early. I have to run to the grocery store, pack, and head to Smithfield for my wedding. I don't really want to get married but I've come too far. Sorry if this is a shock. I really like you and had a good time and trust you.

That said (in case you're wondering why we're suddenly not hanging out and why I'm suddenly married) I don't want you telling anyone that we went out. My fiance thinks I was just out with friends yesterday. I like you as a man but I will destroy everything you hold dear if you mention it to anyone. My father is in law enforcement and my mother works for a bold attorney. You will wish you had never met me if you breathe a word of it to anyone. Just so we're clear okay?

But we can still tsalk over e~mail if you want. Or maybe we can meet again in the future after the craziness of this stupid silly wedding dies down. It would probably be best if you wait for me to contact you. Do not forget the attorney my mother works for in the meantime. You can also write back on Saturday to congratulate me if you want.

Jane

6 comments:

  1. My mom works for an italic attorney. Much nicer breed of litigator, if a little off kilter.

    ReplyDelete
  2. As a bold lady attorney, I must say that Jane is fucking deluded (technical legal term) and a huge slut. Add stupid to the pile because that bitch has to be all kinds of it to send someone a threat in writing.

    I thought this was sent by a guy to a guy at first which would have made it slightly scandalous but nope, just a hoe bag chick playing two guys. Ugh.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My mom works for a sans serif attorney. All business, no frills.

    I think I would print and frame this email if I were him.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You just know this email was written in comic sans ;)

    So, didja write her back? "Congratulations on being a feral infant."

    ReplyDelete
  5. My mum is a partner at the law firm Right Justified. They specialize in defending gentlemen from skank brides. Their opening play is to send a copy of the said email to the groom and his family and then sit back and enjoy the show.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oops, I guess you told a few people, huh, Sergio. Too bad you couldn't tell the groom and save him some heartache. Oh well...

    ReplyDelete

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