5/05/2013

The Bestial Aroma of Crazy

Story Sent in by Heidi:

I was in Ben's car when he pulled over to a gas station to fill the tank. Once he was done, he went inside the store. He didn't come back for a while, so I called him. I figured that he was in the bathroom, although he had been gone a long while, even for that.

He didn't answer his phone, so I left the car and went inside. There were a couple of other customers browsing but no Ben anywhere. I asked the clerk if she had seen Ben, and I described him for her. She said he paid for the gas and hadn't seen him since. I checked the bathrooms and there was no sign of him in there.

I looked around the store once more then went outside, where I found Ben in back. He just sat there motionless on the grass, staring at the moon.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

He said, "It's a full moon. My ancestors used its light to hunt by. Now I use it to pump gas. Why have we fallen so low?"

I said, "I don't know. Want to get dinner?"

He asked, "As in, hunt for dinner? On the ancient plains and savannas?"

"As in a restaurant. With me. Now." As I approached him closer, I detected a weird smell that I couldn't place.

He tore a clump of grass and held it up at me. "My lady, this is the feast I have gathered for you. With more time, I could fashion a spear to take down even the mightiest beast."

I said, "I really wanted to do dinner with you tonight. Maybe you can catch me a saber-toothed tiger next time."

"Promise?" he asked.

"Promise." I said. He held his hand out to me, I helped him up, we returned to his car, and took off for dinner. He moped the whole time, mumbling about how the food would taste better if he went out and caught it, himself. Did I mention that he had chicken for dinner?

Second and last date.

12 comments:

  1. I honestly think a lot of these people on here who exhibit random behaviors are mentally ill and go to the internet for dates because they turn off people they meet in person with the associated behaviors. It is sad, but I can understand why someone would run as fast as they can the other way.

    Or its a dare or the person is just a weirdo. EIther case, run the other way!

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  2. "As I approached him closer, I detected a weird smell that I couldn't place."

    Unless mental illness has a smell now, I would venture that the dude was high and not, you know, schizophrenic. I don't know why amateur online diagnoses of mental illness seems to be the rage these days but there are just assholes, weirdos and drug addicts out there.

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  3. ^Team OP: all haters.

    Seems to me he had a poetic soul and no filters.

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  4. Team Dave. Ben presents her with a clump of grass and a weird stink for their second date and Miss Entitled insists on a restaurant.

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  5. Weed doesn't usually have that sort of effect on people, unless its laced with something. Who knows what he was using. The real issue with mental health is this-WTF would you go out with someone you found smoking up behind a gas station? I give you, its better than getting high in the gas station bathroom.

    And as for just assholes, weirdos, and drug addicts-I work in the criminal justice system. There is a lot of combo drug/mental health going on. People self medicate because either they dont have access to medicaiton or theyre stupid and dont take it. Granted this guy just sounds like a dumbass who gets high on dates.

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  6. @ KatieGirl - "People self medicate because either they don't have access to medication or they're stupid and don't take it"

    Sounds like too much access to medication to me.

    I'll give it to the OP for sticking it out dinner whore style. The guy didn't seem too dangerous and there was the free meal to consider. Well played OP.

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  7. Ladies, if a guy you barely know says something nuts while you're out on a date, and your response is "I don't know. Want to get dinner?," then YOU ARE A DINNER WH0RE!

    That is all.

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  8. I'm so glad you told us he had chicken for dinner. That clearly makes you less batshit insane for coaxing more date out of a guy that you were no longer interested in.

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  9. OMG - I just realized I was a dinner whore last weekend...

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  10. Team OP/Dave. Even though OP should've had enough foresight to toke before the date instead of during it.

    And also he should've offered her some. :P

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  11. "It's a full moon. My ancestors used its light to hunt by. Now I use it to pump gas. Why have we fallen so low?"

    "It's a full moon. My ancestors used to be romanced by its pearly light. Now I'm being a gas station bathroom trying to convince a stoned freak to buy me dinner. Why have I fallen so low?"



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  12. Sorry, I meant "BEHIND a gas station bathroom"... but it works either way

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