5/09/2013

Bar, Car, Far, Bizarre

Story Sent in by Tricia:

I was out at a bar with James and he kept me in stitches nearly the whole time. I felt better with him than I did with any of those online wackos I had met over the past several months. He asked me if I wanted to take a short ride out of town with him, just for a half hour. I felt fine with him, so I agreed to it.

Sadly, we never made it that far. When we arrived in the parking lot, he walked up to a BMW and tried his key in it. It didn't open. He then tried the next car and tried his key in that. It also didn't open. He then walked to the next car, tried it again, and then moved on to the next one. He just went right down the line, trying car after truck after sports utility vehicle after minivan. I noticed that he spent a bit more time trying the sports cars.

After about 10, I felt compelled to ask, "Do you remember your car?"

He replied, "It could be any one of these," and kept trying up the entire row. Then he moved on to the next row. I offered, "We can just use my car." We were in the row where it was, after all.

He ignored that, and when he made it to my car, he tried to open it. "That's my car," I told him, but he tried to open it anyway. When it didn't open, he moved on.

I said, "Can we just take my car? When we come back, I'll help you find yours."

"I want to find mine, now." He kept trying to open cars, then stopped abruptly and looked across the street at a strip mall. He said, "Maybe I parked over there? I can't remember." The strip mall lot was full of cars. It would take him all night to make it through them all.

I said, "If you're going over there, I'm leaving."

He said, "But it'll take me, like, two seconds. I know where it is. Wait for me."

"But–"

"Wait for me."

He ran across the road, and from what I saw he tried his key in a car, then another one, and then another one. I gave up and went home.

I didn't hear from him until five days later. His text read, "FOUND IT. WHERE R U?"

Where am I?! Out of your life, bozo.

8 comments:

  1. I don't think someone would do this to get out of a date, so my only thoughts are he was on a dare or had a bad case of OCD. Because who would do this?? Insane!!

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  2. Is this 1982? Just hit the button on the keyfob and have the car honk/light up. Done.

    Maybe this guy was the spirit of Chunky Horse, incarnate. Sent from another dimension, He had no idea how to use such mortal devices such as "cars."

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  3. Carblindness is a poorly understood condition where one has an inability to distinguish basic shapes and a deep desire to have a better car than the one that you initially parked. Treatment involves not being a delusional idiot and maybe being beaten when someone sees you trying to make off with their Maserati.

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  4. Either he was just nuts, or he was trying to steal a car to take his date for a ride. There are nowhere near as many combinations of keys as you'd like to think, and as long as your key is not an electronic one, if you try for 5 days, you'll probably eventually find a car it works in.

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  5. @ R - That's doubtful.

    My only guess is he had a rental car and could not remember what it was but that's being generous. He could have at least narrowed it down by actually looking at the key which usually has the insignia of the car's maker right on it. The whole thing stinks because he is the one who suggested the trip meaning he wanted you to know he didn't really have a car. I'm sure there is some crazy person logic but it's beyond my feeble mind to grasp.

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  6. Or maybe he was a car thief and wanted a fall guy (or in this case a fall girl). He wanted to take the gal for a spin on a shiny car. Five days later? Yep, he was in jail. :)

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  7. I suspect R is correct, this guy just wanted to take a car and girl for a joyride.

    Yes, with older cars, its quite surprising how easy it is to find a car that will accept your key. Had an old Mitsubishi Sigma that could be unlocked by a friends key. Modern cars have transponders so no really possible these days.

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  8. I am surprised no one mentioned that he might have found a key on his way in.

    He is not trying to get rid of her, why would he then suggest a ride out of town?

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